Burger King has made great reforms in the past few years, in case you haven’t noticed. First, the election of their first Burger Prime Minister freed their citizens from the absolute monarchy that had ruled the restaurant for decades. Second, they created a veggie burger.
Eva: I wonder where they got the vegetarian pink slime.
Ian: It must have been a real challenge for Burger King, figuring out how to treat vegetables unethically.
Miles: I do have to hand it to Burger King, their food-shame substitute feels almost exactly like the real thing.
Robert: It’s another tragic story of a sandwich caught between two cultures. No longer trusted by the meat nor fully accepted by the vegetables.
Miles: This is exciting for every vegetarian who felt left out of those “American obesity epidemic” montages.
Robert: I thought the Blackhawks Stanley Cup hype had died down, and then boom: Burger King in Chicago starts serving hockey pucks.
Ian: I know veggie burgers. Veggie burgers are a friend of mine. Sir, you’re no veggie burger. (I’m just quoting from that time Lloyd Bentsen debated this sandwich.)
Ian: This is a great gateway to vegetarianism. The gate is locked, so everybody turns back.
Miles: Vegetarianism may have jumped the organically produced, vegetable-protein shark substitute.
Robert: Shut up guys, we need to finish this quickly before it sinks to the Earth’s core under the density of the patty.
[The verdict: I love a veggie burger, and props to Burger King for offering one. But the best thing I can say about this patty is it keeps the top of the bun from touching the bottom of the bun.]
Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me.