Artisan health food giant Carl’s Jr. is currently testing a new summer menu item: the “Pop-Tart Ice Cream Sandwich.” The timing couldn’t be better, as it’ll help you gain that final pesky 75 pounds before hitting the beach.
We don’t have access to a Carl’s Jr. here in Chicago, but luckily, we were able to recreate the sandwich using items procured from our office vending machine. We went with frosted strawberry Pop-Tarts and vanilla ice cream.
Robert: When I was a kid, my parents gave me one of these for breakfast every morning until they lost custody.
Mike: This is part of a balanced breakfast, as long as we’re balancing breakfast on a three-tiered chocolate cake.
Miles: This is perfect for a family on the go, so long as no one’s actually going anywhere.
Eva: I’m just happy someone’s finally invented a way for me to eat both Pop-Tarts in the package at once.
Miles: It’s nice Michelle Obama took the time to personally slap this out of my mouth.
Peter: How about a sandwich made with two strawberry Pop-Tarts, and the filling is the program from your own funeral?
Miles: Do you think strawberries can sue for libel for being mentioned in the description?
Robert: I think even tarts are offended by this one.
Peter: It’s really weird, but when I went to wipe my mouth, all my teeth ended up on the napkin.
Mike: It’s a shame they didn’t have this sandwich in the ‘60s. It’s fun to imagine Audrey Hepburn staring in Breakfast at Haagen-Dazs.
Eva: No wonder she wore so much black.
[Verdict: Good, if you have a big enough mouth to eat it all in one bite, since the combination of hot toasted Pop-Tarts and ice cream melts into dessert soup almost immediately.]
[Suggested Wine Pairings: Yoo-Hoo Chocolate Drink, Kool-Aid Bursts, simple syrup.]
Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me.