For most people, the morning goes like this: Wake up, take a shower and wait six hours in painful agony until it’s an appropriate time to eat Taco Bell.
But, finally, times have changed: Taco Bell has introduced a breakfast menu. The centerpiece is unquestionably The Waffle Taco.
Peter: I was driving in after picking them up, and I was terrified of getting in a fatal car crash. “Local radio host found dead next to bag of four Taco Bell Waffle Tacos.”
Ian: If that had happened, I would have thought fondly of you as I ate the extra waffle taco you were sadly too dead to eat.
Ian: A lot of people don’t realize this, but the waffle taco actually started years ago at that other chain Taco Belguim.
Robert: I just want to know how they bent a waffle iron into that shape.
Peter: If Mexicans are horrified by Taco Bell’s appropriation of their cuisine, there are going to be a lot of pissed off Belgians now.
Robert: Do you think Taco Bell is honoring Belgian cuisine because they speak Phlegmish?
Ian: The cuisines of these two countries go together so perfectly. I want there to be a country called Belgexico and I want to move there.
Robert: I’m glad they wrapped this in a waffle. Anything with a smoother texture would slide right out of my fingers.
Ian: Seriously. It’s so gryeasjhy, my finghskjers are slipsoiing arnound my keybloard.
Ian: I love this. It’s like a little meat canoe!
Peter: It is tasty. I’m going to wrap a waffle around everything now. I’m going to make a big one and use it as a sleeping bag.
Robert: Okay, okay. But taste aside, it looks like I used a waffle to pick up something my dog left behind.
[The verdict: pretty tasty, and we definitely prefer the bacon variety to the sausage. There are the structural issues—the stickiness of the waffle does necessitate post-taco hand washing—but all in all, it’s a welcome addition to the fast food breakfast landscape.]
Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait, Wait … Don’t Tell Me.