by Slavica Jovanovic Bubic, Early Childhood Education & Media Coordinator

Read Slavica's Tips on Communicating Positive Messages to Children

On a very hot day this summer — when the weather was much too warm to be outdoors — my 7-year-old niece Natalie and I decided to spend some quiet time inside drawing and writing.

We gathered together our art supplies and began brainstorming ideas about what we could create. "Note cards!" exclaimed Natalie. "They have lines and we can write things on them."

Natalie decided she would write messages for each member of her family. She carefully picked out colors for her note cards and decorated them with drawings and stickers. She also wrote simple sentences describing her feelings about each person.

It was wonderful to see a child so inspired to express her messages of love towards the adults who care for her.

After Natalie finished making her cards, she arranged them nicely on the table, turned them over and wrote a single letter on each with a little heart next to it. I asked her what these letters meant, and she said they indicated which person would receive which card: "M" is for my mom, "GM" is for grandma, "T" is for techa (which is "uncle" in Serbian) and so on.

During this process, she addressed a second card with the letter "M." I didn't want to assume she had made two cards for her mother, so I asked Natalie to whom she would give this card — and I was amazed by her answer: "I did cards for everyone I like, and this one is for me since I like me. I wrote 'I love you' inside this card because I love me."

"I love me" is a great concept for a 7-year-old to come up with — and it's wonderful that she feels this way about herself! I'm sure the daily messages Natalie received from her adult caregivers helped facilitate this sense of self-confidence and self-appreciation. In other words, Natalie's affirmation of love for herself is a small measure of proof that we as adults can support and cultivate children's self-esteem.

You, too, can help the children in your life develop a healthy sense of self-esteem. Below are some tips for communicating with kids.

Tips on Communicating Positive Messages to Children:

• When you share positive messages with your children, focus on communicating both "being" messages (example: "I love you just the way you are.") and "doing" messages (example: "I like the way you're using the right amount of glue for your project.").
• Be specific with your praise so children learn exactly which skills and behaviors you appreciate and admire: "You did a nice job of putting the placemats on the table." "You were very gentle when you gave your little sister a hug."
• Focus on positive behavior instead of the negative: Rather than, "Don't drop your coat on the floor," try, "It was a big help when you hung up your coat in the closet yesterday."
• Catch kids in the act of good behavior — and tell them right then and there: "You're putting away your toys very neatly on the shelf. Thank you!" "You're telling a really interesting story about what happened at preschool. I love hearing about your day!"
• Let children know what they mean to you: "I love spending time with you — it really brightens my morning."
• Let kids know when they say or do something that inspires you or motivates you: "You just said how much you love playing outside in the sunshine. That makes me want to enjoy it, too - let's take a walk together."

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