Mom, Look Into my Eyes …
by Slavica Jovanovic Bubic, Early Childhood Education & Media Coordinator
Read Slavica's tips on communicating with children
Through OPB's Early Childhood Education & Media Service, I have been partnering with the Migrant Family Literacy Program for many years, facilitating workshops for parents on "Media Literacy," "Lullabies to Literacy," "Mad Feelings" and more.
During a recent workshop, I chose "communication" as the topic for our closing session. After reflecting on our own communication styles, we explored public television clips that depicted examples of both effective communication skills and the consequences of inappropriate communication.
Many parents were eager to share their experiences communicating with their own children. One mother, for example, described a situation when she was busy in the kitchen and her 4-year-old son began trying to attract her attention. She responded the best she could under the circumstances, but her child wasn't satisfied with their communication. Suddenly, her preschooler pulled a chair closer and then stood up on the chair facing her. He put his tiny hands around her face and said, "Mom, look into my eyes … Mom, look into my eyes -- here." And he pointed to his eyes.
What a learning opportunity! Sometimes our own children will remind us how important it is to them that we really focus on what they have to say. And sometimes our own children will teach us how best to respond -- by taking the time to slow down, look into their eyes and listen.
Read on for some helpful tips and strategies for communicating with the young children in your life.
And if you have suggestions about what you'd like to see in future columns, please let me know.
Use simple, clear, understandable sentences and messages. Instead of "Your room is too messy," try "Please pick up your toys and put them in the basket by your bed."
Be conscious of how you form questions. If you ask your child, "Do you want fruit with your breakfast?", you need to be ready if they say, "No, thank you." Instead, you may want to give your child a choice of which fruit he would like to eat with his breakfast: "Do you want a banana or an apple?"
Set age-appropriate expectations. When your 3-year-old child says she is hungry, she may not be able to wait very long after her announcement to eat and you may need to feed her right away. On the other hand, you may be able to ask your 9-year-old child to wait 15-20 minutes while you finish up a task before preparing lunch.
Teach with examples by modeling good verbal and non-verbal communication skills.
Follow your child's lead when participating in hands-on activities, showing him that he can communicate well with you. If your child is making something out of clay, you can follow the steps he is taking -- getting the clay from its storage area, molding it into a shape like he is doing, etc. You might even ask him to talk with you about what he is creating.
Show -- don't just tell -- when teaching new skills. You might talk through the steps of making a bed while you are pulling up and tucking in the sheets and blankets.
Be kind, polite and courteous when you communicate. Your children are watching how you interact with them and with others.
Praise your child when she demonstrates good communication skills. You might say, "Thank you for telling me you are hungry so we can make you a snack," or "I like the way you used the word 'please' when you asked your father to read you a story."
Show sincere interest in what children have to say.
If you are busy and can't respond to your children at the moment, follow up with them later. Make sure you do get back to them in five minutes, just as you said you would.
Be patient with young children -- They are just beginning to learn appropriate and inappropriate methods of communication.
Remember, whether we intend to or not, we are teaching and influencing our children's behavior and actions all the time.
Strategies for communicating with kids about anything and everything, age-by-age insights, expert Q&A and more.
Read Slavica's tips on communicating with children
Through OPB's Early Childhood Education & Media Service, I have been partnering with the Migrant Family Literacy Program for many years, facilitating workshops for parents on "Media Literacy," "Lullabies to Literacy," "Mad Feelings" and more.
During a recent workshop, I chose "communication" as the topic for our closing session. After reflecting on our own communication styles, we explored public television clips that depicted examples of both effective communication skills and the consequences of inappropriate communication.
Many parents were eager to share their experiences communicating with their own children. One mother, for example, described a situation when she was busy in the kitchen and her 4-year-old son began trying to attract her attention. She responded the best she could under the circumstances, but her child wasn't satisfied with their communication. Suddenly, her preschooler pulled a chair closer and then stood up on the chair facing her. He put his tiny hands around her face and said, "Mom, look into my eyes … Mom, look into my eyes -- here." And he pointed to his eyes.
What a learning opportunity! Sometimes our own children will remind us how important it is to them that we really focus on what they have to say. And sometimes our own children will teach us how best to respond -- by taking the time to slow down, look into their eyes and listen.
Read on for some helpful tips and strategies for communicating with the young children in your life.
And if you have suggestions about what you'd like to see in future columns, please let me know.
Tips on Communicating with Young Children:
Look directly at children when you are communicating with them and make sure you are on their eye level. Sit or kneel down if necessary.Use simple, clear, understandable sentences and messages. Instead of "Your room is too messy," try "Please pick up your toys and put them in the basket by your bed."
Be conscious of how you form questions. If you ask your child, "Do you want fruit with your breakfast?", you need to be ready if they say, "No, thank you." Instead, you may want to give your child a choice of which fruit he would like to eat with his breakfast: "Do you want a banana or an apple?"
Set age-appropriate expectations. When your 3-year-old child says she is hungry, she may not be able to wait very long after her announcement to eat and you may need to feed her right away. On the other hand, you may be able to ask your 9-year-old child to wait 15-20 minutes while you finish up a task before preparing lunch.
Teach with examples by modeling good verbal and non-verbal communication skills.
Follow your child's lead when participating in hands-on activities, showing him that he can communicate well with you. If your child is making something out of clay, you can follow the steps he is taking -- getting the clay from its storage area, molding it into a shape like he is doing, etc. You might even ask him to talk with you about what he is creating.
Show -- don't just tell -- when teaching new skills. You might talk through the steps of making a bed while you are pulling up and tucking in the sheets and blankets.
Be kind, polite and courteous when you communicate. Your children are watching how you interact with them and with others.
Praise your child when she demonstrates good communication skills. You might say, "Thank you for telling me you are hungry so we can make you a snack," or "I like the way you used the word 'please' when you asked your father to read you a story."
Show sincere interest in what children have to say.
If you are busy and can't respond to your children at the moment, follow up with them later. Make sure you do get back to them in five minutes, just as you said you would.
Be patient with young children -- They are just beginning to learn appropriate and inappropriate methods of communication.
Remember, whether we intend to or not, we are teaching and influencing our children's behavior and actions all the time.
Related Resources:
PBS Parents Guide to Talking With Kids About EverythingStrategies for communicating with kids about anything and everything, age-by-age insights, expert Q&A and more.
