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Addiction touches many people's lives, but it is something that few people really talk about. Sure you hear stories of celebrities in rehab, but it is rare to hear how addiction really affects people in our own communities — our neighbors, friends and coworkers. In the next installment of our As We Are series (hour-long conversations with people who are often talked about instead of heard from) we'll speak with people who have experience with addiction.
If you have gone through a recovery program for alcoholism, you've lived with a drug addict, or you know someone who lost all their money to gambling, we want to hear from you. Have you struggled with an addiction? Have you been a part of an intervention for a loved one? Do you know someone with an addiction to drugs or sex or gambling or something else? What have they done to get over it? Or is it still a daily struggle? Has addiction touched your life?
GUESTS:
Pappy: Pharmacist who recovered from an addiction to prescription drugs
Victoria: Independent provider for developmentally disabled people who recovered from an addiction to methamphetamines
Ron: Sales account representative who has been a gambling addict for 20 years
Tagged as: addiction · alcohol · as we are · drugs
Photo credit: iNar/ Flickr / Creative Commons
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pt.2
When I found out a year ago that he was still using prostitutes, by reading an email to a prostitute on his computer, he became violent and destroyed things in the house. He blamed me. I tried to manipulate me with violence and suicide. I had an escape plan for these times. I had a deadbolt put on a door to a room in the house so I could feel safe while I slept. I bought a cell phone. I called the police once. He attempted suicide half a dozen times in the first few months after discovery. Once, he passed out from rage.
After the discovery that he was using prostitutes again, I immediately looked for a really good therapist who could handle a tough situation. I am a Buddhist. Compassion was sometimes very difficult. I was afraid. I came to realize that compassion might require me to allow him to bottom out, and that he would have to go to a homeless shelter if his behavior continued. My doctor was very supportive of me, whatever I chose to do. I was warned that this was a very dangerous thing I was doing, to try to help him. Addictions are very strong. People are usually helpless to kick them alone.
A therapist we had gone to several years before had attributed my partner’s use of prostitutes with depression. He basically shoved the idea of sex addiction under the rug-- some therapists don’t think sex addiction is real—it isn’t in the DSM yet. Hopefully, it will be recognized soon—it is usually referred to now as a compulsive disorder.
So, I called a friend’s therapist, and she made room for us in her busy schedule. This was really a life and death matter. She recognized the sex addiction immediately and recommended that my partner go to Sex Addicts Anonymous, and that I go to Co-Dependents of Sex Addicts groups. He went to his first meeting that week in a nearby city. However, there isn’t a COSA group in our area, so I tried Co-Dependents Anonymous (CODA).
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pt.3
SAA has been great for my partner. After his first meeting, he felt an incredible relief, love for me, and thanked me, crying, for helping him. However, some of this was wishful thinking on his part about recovery at that point. He was not truly in recovery for the first few months or so, and I would find out that he had relapsed. He would get enraged and attempt suicide again out of shame.
We went to this therapist together weekly for several months, then she didn’t think she could advocate for both of us anymore—she wanted us to split up, at least temporarily. She said that what was good for my partner was not good for me. Since my partner would not have health insurance without me, and the sex addiction reading I had done indicates a better outcome for the addict if the couple stays together during therapy, I decided to find a sex addiction therapist who would know more about it. I stopped going to this therapist, and my partner continued with her alone.
I found a great sex addiction therapist via the Internet, who is not too far away. We have had sessions with him together for the last eight months. He advocates for both people in the couple while working together and works for a positive outcome from our discussions of very difficult issues. In addition, my partner goes to SAA meetings twice a week, and his other therapist for other life issues once a week. It is working. It’s obvious from looking at my painful journal entries from a year ago. We now have heart to heart discussions, his anger is less and he controls it, and he isn’t using. We take a day at a time. He now has five months of sobriety, a group of supportive SAA friends, and a real relationship with me. He is getting more work and pulling out of debt slowly. He does not get depressed like he used to. He is far happier, a much different person. He can relax. We try to be realistic. SAA teaches that a sex addict will remain a sex addict, however.
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pt.4
I am happier, too. I had tried making him move out for years before, but he had always manipulated me by attempting suicide. I saw through this, but he had a terrible rage. Now, we are together by choice and not coercion. I am dealing with posttraumatic stress disorder from the profound betrayal violent experiences in the early months of recovery. We are still going to the sex addiction therapist. Research shows that regaining my trust can take three years. We feel that we have a much healthier and very close relationship now. We have grown so much in the last year as individuals.
Thank you.
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I have been in and out of doctor's offices for almost 20 years now, and have been addicted now to prescription painkillers from Vicodin, Percdan, to Morphine.
As I am now in a catch 22, I have now been on Methadone (for Chronic Pain) for years now, along with tranquilizers for PTSD, antidepressants, as well as other narcotic painkillers for "breakthrough pain".
I am in deep in the throes of addiction, have abused my medications, and gone through the hell of withdrawal, more than once. I still have not learned my lesson. I was one of those who thought, "not me. I can handle it. I won't get hooked". Now, I can't think of waking up without my first thought being, "where are all my pills, and how many have I got to get me through the rest of the month?"
I ruptured 2 disks, and had my lower back fused in my early 30's. I'm now in my early 40's, and still, there is no way out for me. They say that admitting you're an addict is half the battle. If so, then why am I still in the trenches?
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I have many perspectives on addiction. Growing up with an alcoholic father, marrying an alcoholic / addict, working in the field of addiction treatment and then prevention, I could write my own book, and may actually do this some day. I have had my own struggles with food, both compulsive overeating and binge / purging / anorexia-like behaviors. Addiction is a complex and chronic health condition that touches many people across the globe. We still haven't determined, as a society, how to best approach this disease. People who become addicted to alcohol or drugs are very frustrating to their family members, the community and often end up getting involved in the legal system because they have crossed the line, commiting a crime related to the behaviors that so often accompany the lifestyle.
We need to implement a drastic and systemic change in the way to treat addiction that includes expanding screening, brief interventions, case management, referral to specialized services, and provide sustained recovery management and support across the lifespan for individuals with this disease much like we do for diabetes, hypertension, and asthma. We need to drastically expand capacity in treatment and serve family members who also struggle (at their wits end many times) with this disease. We do this for family members of pathalogical gamblers here in Oregon and we should do this for family members dealing with addiction to alcohol or drugs too. Al-Anon and other Co-Dependency mutual aid programs are great, but they are adjunct to professional services.
Thank you, OPB, for airing this important dialogue. I'm proud to say I'm a member!
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Karen567 - love what you had to say!
I work with a local coalition which just received a Drug Free Communities Grant and we are looking into changing healthcare policies in our county and eventually in Oregon - if you have any concrete info, contacts, resources,... please email them to me at paadadfc@gmail.com!
Thanks - Lisa
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I've been sober from alcohol and drugs since 1986. I have a brother that is a practicing compulsive gambler. In my opinion any discussion about recovery MUST include the absolute effort on the recovering person's part to discover what got them drunk or loaded, or gambling in the first place. There was some condition in my life that made it acceptable for me to be face down in the gutter in my own vomit. Until those issues are ironed out the addict won't find any peace of mind even in sobriety. That is what a dry drunk is, someone that has stopped drinking but is still compelled by all of the insanity that got them drunk in the first place. The big book of alcoholics anonymous addresses this issue in almost perfect detail by instructing newly sober alcoholics in the twelve steps. The therapudic remedy to the insanity that baffles us addicts to the point of self destruction. It doesn't really matter, in my opinion, if a person uses church, AA, some recovery clinic, or other type of approach to getting sober, the important thing is that the therapudic side of the recovery is addressed in a comprehensive way. I think this is true regardless of what the addiction is, the addiction is simply a symptom of a bigger, more complex physchological issue.
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I am a 57 yr. old woman, clean and sober for 21 years. No relapses. Besides AA, what helped me the most was finding right psychiatric help for my depression and anxiety disorder. Once I was on the right medication, sobriety has been very easy for me. Do new treatment programs work with patients to find out if they are also clinically depressed and address that issue?
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I am mental health and an addictions therapist. I work in private practice and at a community clinic. My clients range from parents, spouses, to prostitutes working on 82nd avenue. I have found that addictions do not discriminate. It does not matter where you grew up, how much money you have, what your ethnic background is - when one is in the clutches of an addiction it often takes over pushing other needs to the side.
My clients have been addicted to substances and to gambling. I find that it is a slow process to battle each of these demons one by one. I worry about all the possible cutbacks in our society from programs that offer support to those with an addiction. If you don't have insurance it is very difficult to find support. People who are not directly effected by an addiction seem to think - out of sight, out of mind, however, it really effects us all.
Research and my works shows that for 70% of clients that are in therapy are effected by an addiction either within themselves or someone in their circle of family and/or friends.
Please support public funding! I offer treatment on a sliding scale but, it is often hard for an individual to ask for help in the first place.
Thanks for talking about this important topic.
Best, Audrianna J Gurr 503-475-4005, ajoy@gurrcounseling.com
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i just tuned in late, and do not know the name of the guest who just spoke and said something to the effect of, 'i had to learn to dress my mind as well as my body...because it should be just as beautiful' (wish i knew his exact quote)
i'd like to say to the guest...
it's clear from hearing you speak why the counselor could so easily love you, you are beautiful :)
not sure if you'd ever considered this, but with your voice and your beautiful way with words, you seem to be somebody that would appeal to folks 'out there' and you may have another calling, like radio perhaps? LOL maybe touring and sharing your story...
all the best to everyone
ps - i love you OPB and think out loud, you're easy to love too :)
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I'm concerned about treatments for "addicts". While I don't dispute the stories of actual addiction and the anecdotal accounts of recovery through various methods, there's also an incredibly manipulative, fraudulent and lucrative underbelly to the rehab industry.
Here's my anecdote, a typical story: I got a ticket for marijuana possession - about a quarter of a joint. Although this didn't involve ANY driving offense, I faced a MANDATORY two year suspension of my driver's license in addition to a potental $500 fine. Rather draconian, in my estimation. BUT... without even seeing a judge, the court clerk offered me "diversion" and "treatment"... so far so good.
Then I got into the "treatment" scam part of this. Every time I turned around there was another $100 plus charge tacked on the nearly $300 cost of even entering the diversion program. What did this treatment consist of? Talking to somebody about politics or music, essentially. The "counselors" were sure to get the fees up front, but then didn't really seem interested in following up on any "addictions". Of course, I thought this whole thing ridiculous in the extreme. I don't have any problems with pot, other than its illegality. How are they going to "treat" that? A: They're not. They have no intention of doing so, nor a desire to do so. Nor could they.
Treatment is fine for people who ARE addicting to something. But basically bribing someone to have to go that route for meaningless little half roach pot possession busts is simply a "full employment" for rehab industry strategy.
I've heard plenty of stories from DUII drivers who were sent to treatment only to be treated as a cash cow to be run through the system, to think that my story is unique.
The whole rehab system needs to be evaluated, and the large proportion of frauds that operate under the mandate of the state with captive "clients" needs to be weeded out. I have no problem with effective, efficient treatments. But that appears to be the exception, rather than the norm
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I am a 49-year-old woman who got clear and sober through the AA program in 1985. While I have not had a drink since that day, two years ago I became legal through the Oregon Medical Marijuana Program for marijuana use. I have severe chronic pain and depression, and prescription drugs for my conditions (including fibromyalgia) do not provide relief, or have intolerable side effects.
I was very concerned about the possibility that medical marijuana (MMJ) would make me want to drink again. I attended AA meetings and even a Marijuana Anonymous meeting, as a type of "innoculation" against drinking, in case using MMJ made me crazy enough to want to hit the bottle again. I was (and am) fully prepared to NOT use MMJ if it made me want to drink -- any benefit I could accrue would just simply not be worth the risk of throwing my life back down the tubes. I was (and am) not in any way ready to give up the progress I've made in my life since I've been sober.
I did not smoke MMJ until I was legal, and then I was able to procure legal medicine through a couple of non-profit organizations. I'm pleased to note that MMJ has provided me immense amounts of pain relief with no returning compulsion to drink. If MMJ has any side effects, it's the "high" feeling, which can be inconvenient if I'm trying to comprehend something complicated, like balancing my checkbook. :D If I'm in an situation where it's important for me to be straight, a little time and "psychic" effort gets me as "straight" as I need to be. As side effects go, that's not so bad -- it beats muscle spasms, somnolence, and bipolar-like cycling, which are some of the myriad side-effects I got from prescription drugs.
When I run out of donated marijuana, I have no problem going without. Sure, my pain and depression return full force and that's a drag, but I don't twitch and think about MMJ all the time, and I don't panic and sweat and have to run out and procure medicine somehow. This tells me I'm not addicted, IMO. I continue to follow my AA program, and feel no need to drink either, when the MMJ runs out.
So for me, thankfully, medical marijuana did not precipitate any addictive effects. I find it to be a beneficent medicine, and am grateful I live in a state (OR) where I can obtain it legally.
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My best friend suffers from chronic pain following severe trauma in a car accident. I have observed that she deviates from the prescribed directions (quantity & frequency) for taking her methadone. While I know this medicine has alowed her to regain a sense of normalcy and functioning in her daily life, I am concerned that there is more going on beneth the surface.
Understandibly, this is a very sensitive issue for her, and causes a great deal of struggle, but how can I raise my concern to her in a non-offensive and sincere manner? Thanks.
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"...how can I raise my concern to her in a non-offensive and sincere manner?"
Just as you have here, with the concern and compassion a friend shows another friend. If she is very defensive, you may just have to make some offhand mentions now and then, and leave it lie. There will come a time when she will begin to question her habits herself, and that is when you can be more forthright.
OTOH, if an offhand mention generates a big reaction out of her, you may have to have a confrontation right then and there. Be prepared, and have your reasoning all thought out and available for use.
If she truly is addicted, admitting it will be scary for her, since she is dependent on her drugs for pain relief. Fear of the pain often motivates fiddling with dosages, and perhaps you can help her through that. You may also want to google various combos of "methadone addiction", "pain management", and "methadone recovery". Find a program for her to get into right away, if she wants it.
She may decide you're not a friend any more, so be prepared for that. That means that she's pretty desperately trying to avoid facing her addiction, and you'll have to just let her go. Let her know you're there for her, though, if and when she decides she wants to recover.
Good luck, and your friend is lucky to have someone who cares beside her.
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"Addiction" most certainly IS in the DSM-IV...it's just called something else...."Substance Dependence."
"Substance Dependence" refers to a "maladaptive pattern of substance use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress," that is associated with symptoms such as tolerance, withdrawal, taking the substance in larger amounts or for a longer period of time than intended, a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control substance use, interference in social functioning, and so on...
The diagnosis is further specified by the primary substance (or substances) of use, such as alcohol dependence, amphetamine dependence, hallucinogen dependence, polysubstance dependence, etc.
Likewise, gambling addiction is called "pathological gambling" in the DSM-IV and is classified as an impulse control disorder.
Michelle H. Forest, PhD, Licensed Psychologist
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I am wondering why Emily started the program saying addiction is not in the DSM, when it is. Hope they make a correction somehow. It most certainly is a disorder defined in DSM. Thank you for your comment.
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What does that mean it is a choice? So what. Isn't everything allegedly a choice? Or is nothing a choice? This all goes back to "free-will" versus "determinism."
It is not really a choice is it? People don't really "choose" to become addicts in the sense we generally think of "choice." It isn't just I like pizza and you like burritos, everything arbitrary. Only good or bad people. Only addicts and the sober. People who fail to recover, don't fail because they didn't want to, perhaps they couldn't "want to" or they were unable to "want to," or they didn't have the skills necessary to make it happen. But these people aren't necessarily terrible and the sober are stronger and have a bigger desire.
We all choose in the sense that we have options, or we could have done another thing, but at its core we don't really decide, there is only one course of action for each decision that we are capable of making---and that is why we do what we do. -
My dad was addicted to marijuana since he was a teenager. I know from talking with people that there is a myth floating around that marijuana is not addictive. But this is a lie.
My dad was psychologically addicted to marijuana. He used it for 30 some years to block out emotions and life itself. Even when my mom was sick with breast cancer or in the hospital after a back fusion, he was there for her and us physically, but, emotionally, he wasn't there. He was disengaged.
On the outside, our family was picture perfect. But it became so disfunctional that dad even started supplying and smoking with my brother, who is still to this day trying to stop.
What really turned dad around was mom giving him an ultimatum. She filed for divorce, which she didn't believe in, and he finally went to inpatient treatment.
He has now been clean for three or four years. I'm 25, and it feels like it's the first time I've had a dad, like he's really there now.
For every story like mine, there are hundreds of thousands who don't get clean, whose families don't get them back.
I would say that secrecy and deception are among the worst enemies to recovery. Anyone who thinks they can get free of an addiction without telling anyone is decieved. Dad tried it for years. The thing is, he wasn't strong enough to prevent getting addicted in the first place, and eventually he learned that he was just as powerless to stop.
Lastly, I think, for the friends and family affected by the addict, it is very important to talk about it, whether in a support group or in a religious setting - because we are affected more than we know, even if we weren't the ones addicted.
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There is a saying in AA (yes, I know, one of hundreds, seemingly :D): "You're only as sick as your secrets." I find it applies throughout life, not just to addictions. Congrats on getting your dad back!
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Your first statements are both correct and incorrect. Marijuana is not physically addictive, which is usually what is meant when people say something is addictive. Mentally, it very much can be, as we many other things the people wouldn't normally think of as addictive such as television, food, or sleep even.
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When I slipped up and started smoking again, I used the nicotine logenes to break the habit. Several years later I'm still using the logenes all day long. I am frustrated that I can not find information about the long term (years) effects are of ingesting nicotine rather than smoking it (tar, lungs etc.). Because I pay for individual health insurance I'm not going to ask my doctor. I don't want it in my records. Individual health insurance policies are ridiculously more expensive that employer/company policies. If there's any thing about nicotine in your history the cost is half again as much...if they will cover you at all. My other addiction is food and I'm already significantly overweight. My health otherwise is very good.
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I am 58 years old and can honestly say that I don't know anyone personally who has NOT been affected by addiction. It's one of the defining characteristics of American culture that is bred into us from the time our eyes can first focus on a tv screen and the indoctrination never stops. We are assured that it's OKAY to be addicted if it's a socially acceptable behavior and that the most accepted drug of choice is MORE.
I don't particularly like alcohol so my drug of choice is pot but the price is astronomical so most of the time I do without. Right now my wife and I are in our third week of quitting cigarettes for the umpteenth time and I was doing great until yesterday when she admitted to sliding. Knowing she gave in makes it tougher to resist but I'm determined this time to succeed. Both my parents and my best friend were killed by Phillip Morris and it's that memory that provides my best motivation.
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I believe your discussion is damaging to people who are suffering from addiction. Addiction is biological not moral, of course there is a lot of spiritual damage done to yourself and others in your life, yet PLEASE, PLEASE have the medical profession on to discuss this condition medically. We are doing millions an injustice not confronting addiction as a health care issue.
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Ron, have you considered the possibility you may need to get out of that house and out from being in front of the computer where your addiction is one click away. Give yourself a chance to stay in recovery. Throw your computer out the window. At least figuratively. I honor your honesty and willingness to share your struggle.
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This has been a fascinating show to listen to, and I appreciate you speaking with people who struggle with these addictions. I would love to have a follow-up thinkoutloud program on natural highs: about people who use everyday activities to get that rush of dopamine. Natural highs, like dancing, performing, laughing, and hiking, used to be a part of life; now I believe that they have been trumped and diminished by our sensationalized world of fast-action media and over-the-top experiences. Perhaps more people need to recognize the value of small simple highs.
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I like Kate's approach and it is one we take in doing some prevention work with PPS. I never thought about that when I discussed the lack of solution focus in my comment below.
Ben benjamin@compassionateinterventions.com
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I think this idea is very intuitive, and personally, has helped me considerably. Re-learning music, and dance (Let's do The Time Warp Again, again), climbing a sailboat mast, aggressively riding my bike has helped chronic pain and depression of hospice.
Perhaps the fear of accountability with others in the 12 steps is similar to stage-fright, which can certainly distract and increase autonomic outflow.
That said, each scenario is very, very personal and subjective. All encompassing therapies may be ineffectual without the attention to the individual with the problem. Overgeneralization with a term that has such a frightening social stigma is harmfull. The umbrella of "addiction" covering hundreds of behavioral problems may be a dangerous over-simplification.
Please read my case posted on Aug. 11 of this blog. Thank you for your interest and concern in others' well being. Certainly, this is what sets us apart in the best ways. We are a diverse nation with diverse problems. Diverse therapies should be sought after.
Peace,
Mark
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What about smoking cigarettes, I'm thinking its one of the harder things to stop. Its legal and cheap, I can get cigarettes anywhere. yet it kills just as many people.
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Yes, indeed. Smoking cessation is minimized and seen by most as easily accomplished. And, not only are there physical withdrawal symptoms but psychological. When I was a smoker I made several attempts to either cut down or quit which only seemed to increase my drive to smoke. I was not successful on my own. THEN, I found a program that did not involve drugs, hypnosis or 12 step that worked for me. It was a series of classes that supplied the tools as to what to expect and how to retrain your brain to think differently about smoking. Smoking was still allowed up until the 3rd. class. By then, folks were truly ready to make their choice. I recommend this program which is still active in Portland Oregon. It's a hidden gem amongst a thorn of options! www.beyondcompulsion.com Sincerely, Sheila
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As to your comment about lack of resources for treatment:
When you think about it there are entire industries that make their money on addictions. Where numbers like 20% of people use 80% of the addictive habit, gambling, tobacco, alcohol, etc. These industries depend on and need that 20% who get addicted, in order to make their profits, you might even say that those industries are "addicted" to addicted people!
And look at the governments that depend on addictions for tax revenues, tobacco taxes, alcohol taxes, lottery taxes.
And historically, we can look at the Britishand China Opium wars where the British wanted to get and keep the Chinese addicted to opium but the Chinese fought against that idea and industry.
Getting and keeping people addicted makes some people a lot of money!
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I would like to hear the guests talk about addiction as it relates to tobacco, coffee, television and things that don't necessarily have the economic/social/health issues that they personally struggle with. Aren't we as a society at least partially responsible in our attitudes towards consumption in general? The guests are brave folks, best of luck to them.
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I'm addicted to sleep and food, and deathly allergic to work. The thing is that so far I have not had an overdose.
If something is habit forming, is it necessarily good or bad? After all, there are good and bad habits.
Illicit drugs increase the production of chemicals (such as dopamine and serotonin) that the human brain already produces or mimic those chemicals. In theory at least, you could become addicted to being happy.
I think it really comes down to choice. "Where will I draw the line? How far do I consider safe?" Followed by a decision on what to do.
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Addiction is a biological function. When you are truly addicted, it is often much stronger than the will required to "draw the line."
benjamin@compassionateinterventions.com
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To the addicts: Thanks for wrecking it for the folks that need pain meds, jerks. I've got a pretty serious chronic pain condition. After having my coverage cut off by my employer, I had to start begging around for a pain med script. EVERY one in the medical community thinks they're Doctor frickin' House and immediately assumes they're brilliant and that since I want narcotics I'm obviously an addict. So now I get to cycle swallowing handfuls of Ibuprofen and other OTC stuff; my clue that its time to cycle off being the blood pouring out of my ass.
Again. Thanks, jerks. Really.
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I think I am addictive in that I keep quitting drugs, so far successfully with meth, opiates and alcohol but unsuccessfully with tobacco and pot. Tobacco seems the most insidiously persistent, pot comes back often enough but I don't stress when I can't get (or afford) it. I'm 58. I was scaredd off computer games when I noticed I'd played one of the early text based games for 12 hours one evening.
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I've struggled and coped with many addications, none of them mine. My brother has an addication with drugs for over 25 years, my mother and father for their addication to his addication, and the cycle continues.
I have kids now and it's hard but I am trying to sever my ties with all these addications, but it's gets so complicated...addications slowly weave itself into every fiber of everyone within arm reach...sad.
It all comes down to one thing...a choice.
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Food, food, food....I'm addicted to food and I honestly wish I could have another type of addiction. I have to learn how to stop this addition and at the same time nourish myself. I can't cut food out of my life. The biggest challenge is finding another way to sooth myself. I have some automatic reaction in my body to go back to the brownies, cookies or whatever when I'm stressed. I relate to everything I hear about deception and destruction. Our society sees overeating as a big funny joke. Even in the support group I have joined we laugh about food seeking stories. I pretend that I can't relate to the story about the person who buys 5 Blizzards at Dairy Queen and that is their food for the day.
Thanks for an interesting show.
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I have found success by joining Weight Watchers! I love Weight Watchers - you might consider checking into this.
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I am a therapist up in the Seattle area specializing in video game and internet addiction. Our website, icaservices.com, contains much helpful information. VIDEO GAMES AND YOUR KIDS: HOW PARENTS STAY IN CONTROL, is a practical book for parents struggling with video games and the internet. We are in the process of developing the first cyber addiction treatment retreat center in the US. If anyone would like more info about the treatment center or anything else related to internet and video game addiction, they can call us at (425) 861-5504.
Hilarie Cash, PhD
Internet/Computer Addiction Services
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pt 1 of 2 As someone who was addicted to sex fantasy between age 8 to 47, which has adversely affected my friend, family and career lives – this is my perspective on ‘addiction’ and how to life addiction free:
By and large we are born whole, open to love and loving, we are trusting and understand self expression - not repression. When pains enter our lives – stabs of sexism, classism, chronic physical pain, bullying, materialism, etc - we learn, as relatively powerless children, to suppress the natural outrage they first feel.
To sooth the pain we find our minds at times unable to be present, trusting and giving - but replying tapes that are focused on blame (of ourselves and/or others), shame. So much of our cultural and its institutions accept and support these cruel patterns.
My definition of addiction is: any thinking, feeling and/or behavior that 1) we cannot control and 2) hurts others and/or ourselves. -
continued . . .
I find strength in
o telling my story
o listening to other’s stories
o loving who I am and who I want to be
o taking full responsibility
o watching myself / correcting slip ups/new addiction habits
o choosing to act in the present rather than react using old beliefs
o inserting my gentle truth in the face of the pervasive sarcasm and bravado
o building my core strength to be ever more vulnerable and trusting and forgiving (to not be confused with shirking responsibility)
o focusing on making deep genuine connections with myself and others
o creating and anticipating little in the moment magic and miracles
Taking steps with you,
B in Portland -
Comments are now closed.
part 1.
I just want to let people know that sex addiction therapy and Sex Addiction Anonymous can work.
Sex addiction, like other addictions, is a chemical dependency and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Sex addiction authority Patrick Carnes calls it a disease of escape. Research shows that dependency on sex has to do with the neurotransmitter dopamine, and there may be a gene involved. However, the brain and behaviors can change. In many cases, there is a way to get out of the addiction cycle, which is actually a downward spiral.
Just over a year ago, I learned for a fact that my long time partner is a sex addict. I had known that he had used prostitutes years ago, but we had gone to a family therapist for a while, and he said that he was not doing those things anymore. However, as a doctor experienced with treating addicts told me later, “You can always count on an addict to lie.”
My partner is addicted to sex: he began using pornography he found in an older brother’s room at the age of eleven; he was much younger than his siblings, and was isolated, and an unpopular, bullied child at school. He used pornography to escape from reality. Addiction progresses. Before the discovery a year ago, he sometimes spent 4-5 hours a day masturbating to internet pornography, frequented sex clubs and adult shops (they have booths for person-to-person sex encounters), and had sex with prostitutes whenever he could. He was very familiar with the sex shops and clubs in the Willamette Valley and Portland. He belonged to online prostitution online community sites, and frequently used Craig’s List Erotic Services and Casual Encounters areas, posting and responding to ads. He went deeply into debt and kept going deeper. Credit card companies hounded him. His moods were erratic; he was depressed, angry, and uncommunicative. He was barely employed. He lied to everyone in order to keep his addiction secret. He had nobody he could disclose to. He pretended he was someone else.