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No Place to Call Home: Relatives
Many of the people we've heard from in our series No Place to Call Home have mentioned how their homelessness has affected their family members. Some have depended on their siblings and parents for temporary shelter, while others have tried to keep the details of their living conditions from their adult children or family members living out of state.
Do you have a brother, sister, parent or child who is homeless? What have you done — or chosen not to do — to help them? How has their situation affected your life?
Tagged as: family services · homeless · noplace · parenting
Photo credit: WolfS♡ul / Creative Commons
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Thank you for sharing this,
Sarah
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Probably the hardest thing I ever had to do was tell my teenager he could no longer live with me due to ongoing drug use, theft and threats of violence. To know he was 'on the streets' was misery but I finally had to accept that I wasn't helping him by keeping him warm and dry.
I was grateful that he continued to keep in contact so I was more fortunate than many. After many cold, wet nights along the river and same very intense meth use, he finally scared himself into treatment so I believe i made the right choice
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I have a mother who has been homeless going on ten years she is 65 now. Her poor money choices, mental illness and a meth and pill habit have led to her being unable to stay in stable housing. We are not in contact but I occasionly get word of her where abouts through a church that helps her out. As her daughter this is a huge burden and breaks my heart daily. Being in the same town as her I am constantly keeping an eye out for her but would not know what to do if I saw her or I often mistake other homeless women as her. I keep waiting for word that she's really sick in the hospital or dead. I am a mother now and I never know what to say when my son or anyone else askes me about her. I used to have hope that she could change her situation but know now that this is her life and it will not ever change.
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Regarding the hikers: Why aren't all hikers required to have tracking beacons?
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It keeps the "Man" from hunting you down in the woods, Imagine if Rambo had a mandatory tracker in "First Blood" it would have ended in tragedy.
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I wanted to request Gina's email address - she and I have almost an exact same story...
I just don't talk about this anymore - because it is a story - a very real story to me - yet, in a way when you try and share the scope of the story, it isn't readily acceptable...
I have continued to do the personal work I need to - to be present to my daughter and keep a close relationship.
I salute you for doing this program so close to the holidays - since this experience is more difficult to manage during holidays time...constant processing of grief -
Thank you,
(Please don't use my name)
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I was touched by Gina's story. And very sympathetic to her daughter's situation. Mental health care based on drugs and talk therapy, no wonder Gina's daughter has not found a solution there. I couldn't either.
I imagine the parents have heard hundreds of suggestions but may I offer one more? I found a nation-wide program online when I myself was searching for help with depression and alcohol / addiction. Using the Radiant Recovery program I healed my issues. It wasn't as severe as homelessness but definitely on the same continuum.
What struck me while I was there was that the program can be done even while homeless. I personally have met people who have gotten out of the homeless-and-mentally-ill situation by doing that program so I know it can be done.
What's cool is that it requires no drugs that make you feel "off;" you progress in manageable steps; and that you feel and think better before you drop the destructive coping things. All in the context of community support and therapist oversight.
If Gina's daughter wants to not be homeless and depressed any more this is the program I would recommend if she were my daughter. She could start today from a public library.
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These stories are some of the most painful possible, and my heart goes out to all the people who have to deal with the emotions caused by loving someone who cannot be prevented from self-destructive behavior. In my observations of how society receives people struggling to cope with such situations, I am appalled by how little sympathy and support people like Gina receive, and how often the sympathy is directed instead toward the source of their pain. Oftentimes the person with a substance abusing homeless family member is urged to be patient and supportive, or even blamed for the problems, as if they didn't already experience agonies of anxiety, powerlessness and undeserved guilt already.
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I know someone who was "homeless" and jobless, and had to stay with her mom, far longer than the mother could afford. The mom had Section 8 from the portland housing authority, and the rules say you can't let your adult kid live with you. So, was she supposed to throw her out in the street ? she's a fragile, thin young woman who was abused and starved by her dad in a bad custody situation years ago. by about 30, she was mentally ill. She would not communicate or let her mom help get her life together. The mom was terrified of the housing authority and told her she could not stay. Both were living on the mom's disability check of under $700 a month. The daughter tried getting help from local agencies that supposedly help the homeless, but they never helped her get a place. her disability benefits never kicked in. she never got a job. other family members, some wealthy, won't help because of the daughter's attitude about their former abusiveness. i don't know what the future holds for her, all we do is pray and play it by ear.
the housing authority could have kicked the mom out and made her homeless, if they found out about the daughter living there. she was not the one in control, almost had a stroke from the stress.
how ironic that there is something like the 10 year plan, but in secret the city and county do things like that. not let a homeless adult kid live with their parent, i mean she wasn't on drugs or a felon. threaten to remove assistance from a disabled older woman, for it ? but unfortunately it's in their rules. they ought to change it.
the housing authority has a ton of money for expensive overpriced projects, but can't let a homeless relative stay, because it might cost literally a few dollars? i think they're raiding or underfunding these important basic bedrock things, robbing peter to pay paul ( the expensive, frivolous, poorly planned projects that basically give away tons of money to contractors' profits).
Maybe YOU should investigate the housing authority on this. i think they are a big part of the problem in causing homelessness in portland.
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"If you think this is too much to do for your own family member, then you need to step back and re-evaluate your life. Now if someone you know is living on the streets not due to drugs or violence, but just plain old bad financial decisions, then you need to grab them up immediately and lay down a structure for them." We don't need to be afraid to be blunt and we can certainly learn to get rid of our post pregnancy tummy if we put for the effort that is required. It's up to us.
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There are some points in our life that we seem so preoccupied with different kind of mess , financial burden,lost of someone and many other uncertainties in life but amidst of these challenges always seek the Kingdom of God and everything will settled. Have faith on Him!Not all press about Christianity have to be about Westboro Bigots or Catholic clergy going far beyond the pale of acceptable behavior. In a more optimistic vein, the Letters to God movie is debuting in theaters. Granted, some may dismiss it as too sentimental or evangelical, but that aside, the motion picture is situated on the actual events within the life of Tyler Doughtie, a young boy from the Nashville area who contracted cancer, and wrote real letters to God. (A similar theme is in Consolation of Philosophy by Boethius, a 6th century Christian facingexecution.) The boy lost his life, and his faith was a way to obtain consolation and hope to his family and friends.
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not let a homeless adult kid live with their parent,wholesale jewelry mean she wasn't on drugs or a felon. threaten to remove assistance from a disabled older wholesale fashion jewelry, for it ?
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I have three older brothers and Ben is the youngest of them and has been homeless off and on for the last 15 years or so. He is now 35 and has two sons who have experienced homelessness with him. They have lived in tents, motels, trailers, and with friends, in California, Oregon, and Washington, not always together. It has been several years since I last saw him, although my mom has seen him because he surprised her with a visit on Mother's day this year. Every time I help someone who lives on the streets of Portland, I am also helping my brother. I listen and let people know that they matter, at least to me. I hope Ben knows I think about him all the time and that I have never judged him. When he was a young teenager he started tagging "Ben Lives" on everything...notebooks, walls, and even on birthday cards. I can only imagine he was feeling very lost even then. I am starting a "Ben Lives" project to help out those in his shoes, if not him personally. I feel like our family has a hard time understanding why Ben lives the way he does and that they are quick to judge. Perhaps they feel that have let him down. I feel like I have let him down too, but the only thing to do now is to stop letting him down. I love you Ben.