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Sex education was in the news this week when parents and administrators in Scappoose disagreed over a new middle school sex ed curriculum. The school board there voted last month to provide more sex education materials for its 7th and 8th grade students to satisfy state mandates, but opponents now fear that the new materials amount to a "how-to" sex guide.
Nationwide, there's actually a pretty broad array of sex education laws — from Alaska, which has no mandates to teach about sex or sexually transmitted diseases, to Delaware, where schools must teach abstintence and contraception. Oregon is closer to the Delaware model. You can check out the full state mandates (along with a some changes passed by the legislature in the last session) but here's one of the key paragraphs:
All human sexuality education programs shall emphasize that abstinence from sexual intercourse, when practiced consistently and correctly, is the only method that is 100 percent effective against unintended pregnancy, HIV infection, hepatitis B/C infection, and other sexually transmitted diseases. Abstinence is to be stressed, but not to the exclusion of other methods for preventing unintended pregnancy, HIV infection, sexually transmitted diseases, and hepatitis B/C. Such courses are to acknowledge the value of abstinence while not devaluing or ignoring those students who have had or are having sexual relationships. Further, sexuality education materials, instructional strategies, and activities must not, in any way, use shame or fear based tactics.
How do schools manage what could be seen as a tricky balance?
And that's just the tip of the iceberg for an issue that brings up seemingly endless questions.
For example, what's the best way to even assess whether sexual education is working? The number of unwanted pregnancies (down by more than half since 1991)? Rates of sexually transmitted diseases? Or perhaps the sheer number of Oregon students having sex?
If you're a parent, what sex education are your children receiving? If you've chosen to opt out of in-school sex education for your children, what was your reasoning? And what — if anything — have you substituted in its place?
Most broadly: what should young people learn about sex in school, and when should they learn it?
- GUESTS:
- Brad Victor: Sexuality Education Specialist at the Oregon Department of Education
- Karen Kessi: Parent of two middle school daughters and member of the Scappoose committee that analyzed supplemental sex ed material
- Lisa Maloney: Parent of a middle school daughter
- Tamarah Grigg: K-12 Health and fitness coordinator for Vancouver Public Schools
Tagged as: middle school. sex education · parenting
Photo credit: h0rror / Creative Commons
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As a recent product of public sex ed, I can tell you there are many things being left out including gender identity, sexual orientation, how/where to get contracepetives, how to use condoms and masturbation. I do believe it is up to the parents to teach their children about sex, and that what is taught in schools ought to be review by the time it's brought up there. However for many it is not. Your kids are turning to the internet instead, which can be a wonderful resource, but can also be filled with misinformation.
Your kids will be sexually active, around half of them are by the time they're out of high school. You can only scare them away from it so long before hormones override guilt and fear. Fear based education does not work, and will later cause confusion and resentment. And as any parent ought to know, the more secretive you are about something, the more curious the kid will become. If you take away the taboo, and present rational reasons why something is bad, then a child will be far less likely to engage in that action. Abstinence only isn't working; even Texas is looking at expanding their curriculum (http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/education/stories/DN-sexed_09met.ART.State.Edition2.4b781ac.html).
Your kids are smart, but no one can outwit biology. Parents must talk to their kids early, in a safe supportive environment to reduce the risk of an unwanted pregnancy or worse. Kids make bad decisions, but they can reduce the damage if they are armed with knowledge.
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I cant agree more... In my school, which was a private christian high school, they tried to scare us constantly and told us that if we had sex we would die. They said condoms are not safe, effective or moral. As one can guess there were several teenage pregnancys througout the years at this school.
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An article available at this URL http://www.cochrane.org/reviews/en/ab005421.html provides a formal review of peer-reviewed studies pertinent to evaluating the effectiveness of abstinence-only sex education programs for HIV-prevention in countries such as the United States. The abstract includes this statement: "Overall, the trials did not indicate that abstinence-only programs can reduce HIV risk as indicated by behavioral outcomes (e.g., unprotected vaginal sex) or biological outcomes (e.g., sexually transmitted infection). Instead, the programs consistently had no effect on participants' incidence of unprotected vaginal sex, frequency of vaginal sex, number of sex partners, sexual initiation, or condom use."
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Sex ed at school? That may be the least of our worries when it comes to teens and sex. How about adding "proper and legal use of electronic devices" to the cirriculum?
What about the criminal legal consequence teens are facing today when they misuse cell phones and the internet for sending sexual content peer to peer? We (parents) give them all these devices often not knowing how to use them ourselves or having no time to monitor the uses, no rules, no consequences and guess what? They get misused all the time often right under the parents noses. Kids are violating laws with them.
Kids are technically savvy and not afraid to try new things. It's a "GUARANTEE" that technology will play a huge role in exposing and "educating" your kid to sex at a very early age. That's not to say it's an appropriate education - far from it. Fact is, kids with internet access and cell phones easily carry on very "adult" conversations about sex because they've been exposed to a broad array of sex education already. The class at school is G rated stuff for them.
Whether peer pressure or self initiated interest, ALL kids are curious about sex and the most sexually often violent graphic material, videos, images, are all a mouse click away from your kid's eyes. Lots of kids have established "virtual" sexual behaviors before they hit high school; this includes exploiting themselves or their peers by passing around sexually graphic photos, video or having sexually graphic conversations via text and private chats through cell phones.
If parents need evidence, there are thousands of misdemeanor and felony cases in courts around the country involving teens who have been criminally charged for transmitting sexually graphic or provocative images of themselves or their friends to peers via electronic means. Sexual behaviors are just one part of it, bullying, harassment, physical harm, it's all part of the package.
SF - Project team
www.Sexlaws.org -
Sounds like an 'impossible' balance. Is that what tolerance or compromise is? Treating both sides like schlemiels? How can you 'stress' something 'but not to the exclusion' of something else? Is that even possible? Semantically or in reality? If you stress something are you not automatically, by very definition, excluding something else? If it is possible, what is the point? It is like saying it is preferable to be a winner, but if you loose that is as good as if you would have won. Really?
Maybe, I am taking the word stressed too literally? Perhaps, it is like stressing not driving as the safest means of not getting into an automobile accident---as if that were not obvious and did not require the stressing.
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Im a transgendered parent with kids, and I can tell you its a lot different 20 years ago from when we were kids. From the music, the clothes, the INTERNET.....
Have the school board asked these kids "What Do They Know"
Looked at those videos lately????
These kids know more than us on sex, than we do!!!!
SEX ED is SO OUTDATED
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As a long time advocate of CSE, I wonder why there is still any debate or question about abstinence only education. No study has found greater value in education that only teaches abstinence over CSE (In fact, studies show that students are LESS likely to use condoms or birth control when they eventually do become active). Nearly every prominent American medical organization emphasizes that CSE is the most effective type of education.
Lets also remember that an important part of sexuality curricula is mental health. How to communicate with partners, how to prevent rape by ensuring consent and recognize and avoid abusive behaviors. CSE offers this, by definition Abstinence only education does not.
As an advocate, I spent my high school years working for an organization that held press conferences, wrote articles, and eventually successfuly lobbied the school board and state legislature to make CSE a requirement for all students. The program that came to our school had a strong and visible effect on the local teen birth rate that was very encouraging.
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As a parent who was against Brad Victor's "guidline's" last year 2008, for our 6th grade, I am saddened to hear the public is not hearing the whole story of Scappoose.
The confusion is parents here are not against sex ed, but very concerned about Brad Victor's "Guidelines"....these are very vague and not the "Law". In 2008 many parents spoke out against his suggested program "Making a Difference". This was voted down in 2008.
These "guidelines" need to NOT be confused as being the "Law". Also Schools need to get back to teaching Morals....why not raise the bar along with giving them education?
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Schools should get back to teaching morals? What are parent's responsibilities in all of this?
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Actually, Oregon Revised Statues (ORS) are laws passed by the State Legislature.
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Parents should teach morals not a school. A school if for teaching information and parents need to arm their children with the ability to filter the useful and not so useful information. A real parent would tell their kids about sex early in a realistic way. Kids will have sex. Remember when you were young you did it to.
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The PUBLIC schools system is not for teachng MORALS. That is for the parents to do. If you are expecting MORALS based teaching, enroll you children into a private school run buy a religious sect...
It is time that people THINK before they speak and let the teachers do the job they are paid to do.
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If we weren't talking about sex ed, isn't it ok for a school to teach Morals?
For example, most of us would agree that wasting energy and over consumption is a legal personal decision made from one's morals.
Does that make it inappropriate for a teacher to encourage people to carpool do reduce thier footprint?
Lets use some common sense (thats my thing), a responsibile sex education program NEEDS to tell middle and high school children that it is in fact not a morally sound decision to bang everything that walks by. This does not need to be framed in religion, this needs to be framed in fact.
In a nutshell, it would be irresponsible to tie the hands of the educational system by not allowing them to teach something responsible that a person may interpert as a moral.
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Is there a measure of teen pregnancy for Oregon specifically? Or stds? Even though I'm old enough to know that abstinence is the best for teens, I was at one time a 14 year old boy with raging hormones. It took a little while, but I eventually found a girl who had raging hormones as well. At the time, condom use to tatooed into my brain, so I used them, for years.
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And a question for your state expert...
What does Oregon law say about sexuality education as regards medical accuracy (a big problem with fear-based abstinence programs), and gender and sexuality non-discrimination?
Thank you!
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I am a nurse practitioner in public health. I have been working in reproductive health for 20+ years. I have two comments: First, I have seen a drastic change since abstinence only teaching has been going on and that is that teens and young adults know NOTHING about pregnancy and STD prevention. They have all sorts of mis-information and think everything can be treted with an antibiotic. They are shocked when I diagnose them with HPV or herpes and find out they will have it forever. Also, they beleive that the morning after pill is abortion and therefore won't take it to prevent an unintended pregnancy. Second, we really should be focusing on the reality of sexuality. These young adults and teens have so many sex partners these days. It is painful to see 14 year-olds who have already had 20 or more sex partners. It is almost like they think once they have had sex they are so bad (in an abstinence-only world) that they lose all sense of boundaries and perspective. We need to be giving them the facts about the wealth of options available to them and how to think about themselves, their potential partners and their future. Thanks.
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As the mother of three children in Oregon public schools (one elementary, one middle and one high schooler), I strongly support the teaching of sex ed in our schools. We are open in talking about their sexuality questions at home, but I know that they probably don't ask parents everything they wonder about. They also are picking up misinformation from their peers (even my elementary schooler.) Having come from a state where abstinence-only ed was the norm, I have seen the unnecessary consequences of witholding information they need to keep themselves safe. A lot of the opposition to sex ed also seems to come from misinformation about what is actually taught at what age (for example, quoting lessons for high schoolers as if they're taught to elementary kids.) Please, parents, educate yourself about the realities of your children's experiences (both in and out of school)!
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Children today are Un-Naturally ignorant about sex.
Up until the industrial revolution, Nature taught every child about sex.
Back in the hunter-gatherer days children would have seen animals having sex in the fall and then seen the babies being born in the spring. Kids would have collected bird eggs in spring and also would have witnessed the birds having sex. And given the conditions of living in caves, tents, and other primitive shelters, kids would have learned about human sexuality.
Then when humans started farming the kids would have learned about selecting animals and breeding them and also that animals would only give milk after having sex and producing baby animals, like goats, sheep, cows, and horses.
But now, that Natural sex education has been derailed by most humans moving off of farms and into cities where they don't witness and learn from natural sex.
And that is the problem that needs to be addressed.
I have noticed that Conservatives usually want to keep their children ignorant about sex, in some kind of hope that what they don't know won't hurt them, that ignorance will protect them.
So therefore, Conservatism is Un-Natural, is against Nature, and for the religious, Conservatism is against the system that "God" created and set in motion.
But of course, history teaches us that ignorance only adds to the problems.
Teachers today are just trying restore the sex education that Nature, or "God" if you will, used to provide naturally.
Nature used to teach about the consequences of sex, babies. Nature used to be pretty comprehensive in educating aboiut sex.
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Why won't you let Brad Victor answer this crazy woman? She's made some ridiculous accusations against him.
There is also NO EVIDENCE that teaching condom use and other contraceptive information within a comprehensive, research-based program leads to increased sexual activity.
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OMG - Child of a teenage mother complaining about CSE. Wow.
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If the schools don't teach children how to properly use a condom or dental dam who will? I do not know many parents who are out there teaching their children how to use these "tools". I keep hearing from parents that it's their responsibility to teach their children about condoms, etc. but how many of you are actually teaching them?? The notion that schools are promoting that kids have sex is rediculous! They are just providing the education that many parents are not providing.
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Research has shown that sex ed that includes safe sex reduces rates of teen pregnancy and sexual transmitted diseases. Sex ed that is abstinence only does not affect these rates at all. People confuse the ideal with what is real and what is possible. Schools shouldn't have to teach sex ed, but currently most parents are not educating their children.
Charles R. O'Bannon, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
DeAnne Warner, M.S.W.
Counselor
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How many parents truly tell their kids the truth about sex......
Its amazing how out of touch most parents are about SEX
And telling them No, is just a way for them to go do it...
TRUTH is the Key, Babies will make kids think twice.
Let's be real about this, If they're going to go have sex they will just pray..... And telling them NO, is not the key.
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My personal opinion is that we should treat sex ed like a biology class. That is what it is. When sex ed is just how to put a condom on, we are doing our children a great dis-service. I am appaled at the lack of knowledge that adults have about thier bodies and how they work. Not just sex but reproduction. I am 33 an know many people who dont know when they ovulate. I think that becuase we have a poor basic education about the biology of sex and reprodution, we are creating adults who dont understand thier own bodies. If you teach kids what sex is, it is no longer mistified, they understand it and are less likely to be curious becuase they know more. Teens are going to have sex so safe sex has to be taught, but they need to know how things work.
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Sex ed is being treated like a biology class. Ms Maloney is only talking about the parts of the education that she disagrees with.
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I want to encourage parents to not underestimate the power of a mentor. Most kids don't feel comfortable asking their parents questions. I play this role to two teenagers, whom consider me younger and "cooler" than their parents (I'm 33). The information they bring home from their friends and older kids at school is appauling. One girl had sex with her boyfriend because an upperclassmen girl told her that it would "bring them closer emotionally." Of course, it made no difference to the guy in that way. He's just a teenage hormonal boy. She also didn't feel comfortable asking her parents about condoms. They need advice from people they trust and parents have to understand that that might not be them! There is a very emotional woman on the radio right now saying that her kids sex ed is her responsibility. But you have to take into account--your kids might NOT want to hear it from you!!!!
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As a parent of two 6th grade boys in the Scappoose school system, I want to remind parents that you always have the option of keeping your child out of school for those days. When the time came for the "health and sex ed" program in 5th grade, the school was very forthcoming with the times and dates of the program, and we as parents had to give our permission for our children to attend. After reviewing all the materials, my husband and I decided to allow our boys to attend. After it was over, we sat down with the boys and talked about what they had learned that day. We wanted to make sure that, when they heard their peers discussing sex, they would be prepared. As devout Christians, we absolutely support abstinence education. But we also know that our boys will be exposed to all kinds of ideas, and we want them to be able to make good decisions.
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Lisa's assertion that our students need to be empowered to make the right decisions is right on. I couldn't agree more. On the other hand, how do we empower anyone without educating them on their options and the consequences of those choices?
Mrs. Mahoney's mother learned her lesson from a teen pregnancy. Perhaps if she had been more educated on her sexual choices, she could have learned her lesson from a text book and saved herself a lot of struggle and pain.
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The woman on right now (Lisa Maloney) should please stay far away from any decisions affecting schools.
Imagine a couple of kids who are about to have sex. Don't even TRY to deny that it happens. Do they know about condom use? Do you think that any of them would stop to read the instructions in the package? What fraction of parents would bother to tell such details to their kids? Teach that knowledge along with CPR, fire drills, and any number of other techniques which we can hope they won't need.
How many gratuitious babies do we need? A baby deserves at least a couple of adults who want that baby. Unintended pregnancies are not good for children.
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There are significant problems with what I'm hearing from the mother who called in:
Many parents do not have the discussion with their kids, regarding sexual activity, contraceptives, or abstinance until long after their kids have heard about it from other kids, or have had sex already.
Many kids will not talk to their parents about these issues anyway, because they don't consider it a safe topic.
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Does Lisa the caller really think that schools are encouraging sex by educating youth on how to be safe? Would she rather have her teenage daughter learn about it from a teenaged boy or from a health professional or teacher? C'mon people, wake up! Kids are having sex earlier than ever and the best defense is to teach them how to protect themselves. If you want to discourage sexual behavior in your children why don't you raise them right-- turn off the tv and communicate frankly with them.
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Lisa does not have the facts and is generalizing using anecdotal evidence. Brad has research results from various groups. I would say Brad knows more about what works than Lisa does. He is not ignorant.
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sex is seen and promoted as the ultimate adult activity, what young person doesn't want to do what we all do? to make it a mistake the teen is making is not taking resposibility for the world we bring them into. sex is real, it's what we do. we teach kids more about our world and activities to keep them safe and informed so they are empoyered to make good healthy choices.
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Many adults do not feel comfortable talking to their own partner about sex. What makes this woman (Lisa) think that parents should be the only people to teach their children about sex?
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Hm, maybe we don't teach kids about drinking because it's ILLEAGAL. Just a thought.
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Telling a teenager that they cannot have sex is an ideal but it is truly unrealistic. Try to remember when you were a teen. Let's get out of la-la land and teach the children how to be safe and protect themselves. If you are going to have a sex education class then let the children be educated with facts not a sermon.
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I feel like many opponents of sex ed forget that at some point in our lives, almost all human beings become sexually active. Even if a teen chooses to be abstinent in high school, they will most likely become sexually active later in life. If we aren't going to teach kids in public schools the facts about how to prevent unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, when are we expecting them to learn these facts ?
Since we know that not all parents are comfortable sharing this information, and not all kids go on to get advanced degrees, it should be our responsibility as a society to provide these basic facts to teens before they go out into the world. If we hope to reduce the high rates of STDs in society now, we must be able to teach the facts!
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I have an infant daughter.
I would like her to feel comfortable asking any questions about sexuality and I took an extensive colege class in Human sex and Reproduction so I think I'm qualified to answer any questions. I am not under the impression that she will always feel comfortable asking anything so I'm hoping school and peers will help educate her. I would like her to know how to use condoms, alternative (to intercourse) methods to acheive orgasm (what I would consider safe methods) and anything wlse she might want to know.
I'd love it if she didn't engage in sexual activity until she has a loving partner but I know that for me, that didn't work.
I lost my virginity at a party in high school via date rape. This possibly could've been avoided if I had known alternative methods of orgasm.
I had good knowledge of the birds and the bees and condoms, but needed more information on social sexual customs. I got myself into a situation I didn't know how to get out of. I also didn't understand that this was rape for years.
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The comment connecting alcohol and sex really got to me. I am pretty sure no one has died from masturbation. The idea of linking them kind of makes my head spin.
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Actually if someone is a sex addict, they are very likely to have one or two additional addictions - like alcohol or tobacco... and there are lots of cases of sex addicts who have physical disfiguration from constant masturbation (both male and female)... while I don't agree with the overreaching comment made here on this show... I do believe that alcohol & sex addiction can be a deadly combo.
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syd6luc5: Disfiguration? Is it hairy palms and blindness? I don't believe you unless you cite some sources from qualified research.
Can you compare the relative risk of blindness from masturbation to the risk of pregnancy from sex?
Sex can be pretty dramatically disfiguring: stretch marks, saggy boobs, children, even death.
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The way we talk about sex-ed, makes it sound like younger people are wild animals that need to be broke or tamed. The problem in our culture is that our adults can't talk about and are afraid of sex---so they don't have the capacity of talking about sex with teenagers. We generally don't talk about sex period, unless there is a scandal, and then it is to moralize or ostracize. Schools can manage the tricky balance with the same intelligence they use to teach any subject. By providing ALL the necessary information and educating without a moral component or an agenda---and by specifically NOT stressing anything.
Sex is a part of life, it is as much the schools responsibility, as it is the parents, to teach it. We should spend more time combating certain parents inaccurate tropes that sex education is a kind of promoting. It only becomes promoting by the stressing of one way over another. It only becomes promoting by favoring the teaching of abstinence. Kids are confused because (as I indicated above) the state mandates don't make sense---they ask for the impossible. They should be confused.
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Lisa Maloney is so far out of touch, I feel bad for her kids. Did she actually say that masturbation is not a safe activity? That her children would not engage in such a thing? It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.
I had a couple of friends who became pregnant in middle school -- maybe if they had had a lesson in something so repugnant to Lisa and people like her -- putting a condom on a penis -- that would have been avoided.
Sex is not evil. Sex drives do not kick in at age 18. Could this discussion please try to make friends with reality?
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You would not allow your children to drive a car without driver's ed. Why would you risk your child's life by allowing them to have unprotected sex?
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The responsibility of public schools is to aim to teach all students the necessary skills and knowledge to lead successful adult lives. Sexuality is a part of being human, and by limiting the education that children get in school, public education is not doing its job in promoting healthy, educated adults. As reading is important to succeed, so is the ability (and right) to be fully informed about the options available to help individuals protect themselves from STIs and pregnancy.
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Nature didn't even wait until school started at age six to educate about sex, a child learned about sex from the day it was born, because it was all around and normal to see. Sex and the consequences were learned early and constantly repeated throughout life.
Nature is sometimes very very wise and we ought to learn from it.
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Lisa's rhetorical assertion about substance education in regard to alchohol is absolutely false. I work in a high school as a mentor/tutor, and substance education uses a fact-based approach, laying out the physiological process of intoxication, the consequences, etc.
Lisa, sooner or later, your daughter is going have to make decisions for herself AND YOU WON'T BE THERE TO TELL HER WHAT TO DO. I saw gilrs and boys like your daughter in college, and they were generally the most self-destructive because they didn't know what to do once they crossed that line. Wouldn't you rather have her equipped to weigh the options responsibly, and able to handle her choices in the most responsible way?
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Want to show your kids about sex have them watch the "The Dave Chapplle Show" Season 1 Episode 5
Or bring back the Chasity Belt.
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What type of sexual education is provided for LGBTQ youth?
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As a parent of a 14 year old and an 11 year old... I am Christian, so follow/teach biblical values... being concerned about this issue for my kids, and being aware of what’s going on in the world and seeing statistics that abstinence does not prevent sex before marriage, the percent of grade school children “sexting” on their phones, etc etc ... my question is: what is sex? Is it strictly intercourse? If so, we teach that is “bad/wrong”, so kids have anal sex/oral sex and still get diseases, become confused about homosexual behavior, etc. etc….
I have made it one of my personal priorities to first learn about what’s going on in the world, learn what my school is teaching – health, sex ed, physiology, sociology, etc. Then seriously reviewing this “knowledge” and how does it align or not with my families values. Then having informed and age appropriate conversations regularly about this with my kids. I do not feel it’s ok to have a one-time; one-size fits all, “sex talk” with my child.
My totally biased opinion is we need more continuous communication between parents and their kids – we need to teach them (over and over, at an age appropriate levels) and listen to them: what are hormones? Why do I feel this way? What are the behaviors of “sex”? What are the diseases you can catch? What are the consequences? How is real life different than what I see in the media? What are the legal issues? How does this affect me? Etc.
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Abstinence only programs do not work. From October 08 to September 09 Columbia County had 22 pregnancies of young women 10-17. The rate may be lower than some Oregon Counties but full information is the only effective measure for education of our young women. Check the state public health website for pregnancy rates.
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It's unbelievable to me that this parent thinks that having a child is a good way to learn a lesson. I think it borders on child abuse--of both her own child and her child's child. You would hope that she would want better for her own child, but she sounds very smug in saying "that'll teach her". And apparently, she wants to visit this kind of anger and abuse on everyone else's children too. I am sorry for her daughter, and appalled that the mother feels entitled to visit this kind of abuse on other people's children. Human beings have this thing called education that allows us to pass on information to others without everyone having to suffer disasterous consequences. And this includes preventing pregnancy.
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I'm in my 30s. I never had any meaningful sex education in any of my public education. When I was in elementary school, I was confused and misinformed by the rumors running around my friends and the innuendos I encountered in the media/pop culture. I went to the public library and read a book about sexual development, sex, and reproduction. I was in shock, embarrassed, but much better informed because of it. The book did not cover any type of contraception, information about stds, safe sex, etc. I unfortunately did not get any of this information at any point in my education, only misinformation. I learned all of this information from reading through the information included on the side of condom boxes and pamphlets from Planned Parenthood when I was in college. Unfortunately, most young people will not be so scientific in their approach to educating themselves about making "good" and safe choices. Adults like to shield themselves from the loss of innocence of the children in society but the appropriate approach to this is not silence and avoidance.
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The conversation has gone as it normally goes on this topic. One side is concerned about behavioral outcomes (health) and the other side is concerned about moral outcomes, while trying to cloak them as health issues. The struggle here is not that either side is wrong; but more challenging that both sides are correct.
The challenge is that we live in a culture with diverse morals, cultures, and ideological views and expect to come to some consensus on what the "right" way to teach something is. Personally, I would oppose anything that limits the conversation and/or discourse, as that in the end is not what education is about. Exposure to the world is not something that, in my opinion, should be punished with a hemlock milkshake for the teachers.
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Very true. Nice comment.
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I agree with what you've said. My issue with the moral side of the debate is that one parent's moral value often is not the moral value of another. If a parent wants to direct their child's moral compass, and teach the child about sex according to the parent's values, the parent needs to understand that the child will probably get conflicting stories from school and their peers. It is the parent's job to make their position clear, without refusing to acknowledge that there are other ideas out there.
The schools need to be able to provide answers to any child's questions, and any questions the child may have, not just the ones that the parents have approved. Denying a teenager the ability to find answers is the fastest way to get that teenager to find out on their own- frequently from sources that will not meet with the parent's approval.
To get the moral lesson into the teenager's head, the parent needs to be involved in the discussion at home. Many parents don't feel that they have the time, or they have issues of their own with the subject. The best that these parents can hope for is an emphasis on the consequences of these activities. In that regard, schools need to include more real-world examples of what can happen, and do so in a clear way that teenagers will relate to.
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I went through sex ed in the California public school system. I thought it was valuable. We were instructed how to put condoms on, and i used them later on. This argument reminds me of the needle exchange debates in Berkeley of the 1990's. Statistics and science cand come out and conservatives will disrupt the progress. I think teachers Shouldn't promote ANYTHING including abstinence. I think they should scientifically list all options and risks, including STD's, contraceptives, and pregnancy. stressing moral issues involved with sex can lead to effect on a child's future sexuality. In my experience as a sexually active adult (and father), i have come across a variety of situations. I was instructed to get tested every 6 months, and i have, at the free clinic, where they do the needle exchange.
On a seperate note: I have several friends in their early twenties that have contracted HPV and later cervical cancer. People are dying. People are having sex. We are even at WAR!!! lets be honest with each other!
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Those who oppose sex ed are those who also oppose a woman right to choose. If all people were educated as how to avoid pregnancy then there would be no need for abortion.
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As a healthcare provider who has been talking to teenagers about sex for more than 20 years, we need to recognize that talking to ANYONE about sex is not ever going to be comfortable for some people.
Abstinence can be encouraged and reinforced in teen, but they WILL eventually have sex. Doesn't anyone want their kids to be less bewildered than they were entering into a sexual relationship than they were?
I usually tell kids that there's really no GOOD that can come from sex in HS. Maybe neutral oucomes, but often bad outcomes. Pregnancies, infections, hurt feelings, embarrassment. I tell them intimate relationships are very complicated and often based in emotions we don't understand very well as teenagers (or adults for that matter). I also tell them there's plenty of ways to be intimate without having intercourse.
This is such a HUGE void in most peoples knowledge base that I can't believe parents would really want to withold this information from their kids. Justifying it by saying "we don't teach them how to drink responsibly" is an obvious example of justifying one mistake with another. We don't teach our kids what they really need to know to keep them healthy.
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I think Karen is clueless about the realities of sex. Humans are animals, and the innate desire to reproduce is much stronger than the ability to abstain. There is plenty of evidence that abstinance only education doesn't work. This is another example of the squeaky wheel getting the grease. Parents who fully endorse sex ed should be able to stand up, but we're such a repressed society that there is fear that they'll be ostracised and looked at as perverted.
Children from a young age, even in the womb, have shown evidence of touching themselves and knowing that it feels good. Sex and sexuality is never spoken of, and it's left out of the childhood education books, but what do you do when your 5 year old daughter finds that it's fun to masterbate? There are many parents out there who think their young children are not normal, however this is the norm, and should be discussed not repressed. The US is so sexually repressed that even showing a breast on TV creates outrage, along with nursing children in public.
What we need is a whole health sexual education program, and it needs to start with parents understanding that we are animals, and animals desire to reproduce is STRONG. EDUCATION is important, not just to say "don't have sex" but educating students about condom usage, protection, STI's, and pregnancy. The best way to prevent teen pregnancy is to show them what happens before, during and after birth. Teaching to not have sex isn't enough, and is a huge mistake.
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I think you mean Lisa. Karen was in-studio and on the committee that chose the cirriculum. Lisa was the caller that thinks she can tell her kids to never have sex and they will listen. No need to educate...they will do everything she tells them.
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I am concerned about the "balance of power"between boys and girls and the issue of control in relationships. I hope that this subect is prominently adddressed in the Oregon sex ed courses. The comment was made that Lisa's mother learned her lesson after having one child. Did the father learn his lesson?
Date rape and pressure is a huge problem. In Portland date rape cases are not even investigated. In the abortion discussions male responsiblity rarely is emphasized. Then there is the example of control or rather loss of it in the recent murder/suicide of the Gladstone couple. The sooner young people are taught to face these issues the better for all of us.
The recent
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My parents raised me in a very open minded environment and nudity was common. I am thankful that from an early age I felt comfortable with my own body and comfortable asking my parents about sexuality. They never had to have the "sex talk" with me because I felt comfortable asking them questions at whatever age they occurred to me. I believe that communication about sexuality with your children starts very early, beginning with feeling comfortable with your own body. When you are in your own home, parents should not hide their own bodies and allow their children to be naked as well without teaching them to be shameful. That is where sexuality begins, not just in their teen years. Start the conversation early, and you will avoid the uncomfortable "age of misinformation." Ideally sex ed would not have to be taught in school, but the reality is that parents dont even think about it until long after it is too late. In American culture, parents are neglecting this responsibility, and thus the schools are having to step in. Sex ed needs to be explicit to avoid confusion, and the fact of the matter is that since it isn't happening at home, it needs to be taught in school. Embarrassing or offensive it may be to some, but it is those that need it most who react this way.
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A lady was on the show from Scappose. She was "apalled" at some of the material and specifically mentioned explicit instructions on how to use and dispose of a condom.
She felt that if she wanted her child to know about condoms or how to use them, she would tell them herself.
Unfortunately, not all parents are able to talk about condom use with their children. I know a young girl who thought she knew about using a condom for "safe sex." Unfortunately, one night she and her boyfriend only had one condom. They decided it would be alright if they turned the one condom they had inside out and reused it.
She contracted a very serious STD and may never be able to have children as a result.
So, it isn't about your children and what you can and will tell them. It is about all children. If she had had a sex ed course with explicit instructions on condom use, she might be able to have children today.
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Best sex talk I've ever seen from TV was in the show Weeds.
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If only all parents could talk to their kids like that! :) I love it!
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It is important to keep in mind that not all parents feel comfortable addressing all pertinent information regarding sex or answering their childern's questions in sufficient detail. Unfortunately, the methods used when presenting in a class setting may not be acceptable to all parents. There is an opt out for those that don't want to have their children participate in certain discussions. The reality is that our schools have a responsibility to offer the knowledge and best practices to help students become responsible citizens. If parents can't or won't teach their children about all aspects of sex education we end up with a culture experiencing one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the developed nations. The developmently appropriate content introduced at each grade level is a crucial part of any sex education component in a health curriculum. It is also important to remember not to confuse topics of health and morality. The call in listener "Lisa " inferred that to achieve the highest quality health instruction we should only teach abstinance . I feel she was stating the only way we can have a quality health curriculum is by adhearing to her idelogical values and withhold information from students that conflict with her values. We are a diverse culture with many differing perspectives. It is the role of non-secular, public schools to offer as much information to students as is available. With the goal to create a well thought out decision relating to their sexual choices. We end up with a much better, more effective health curriculum and hopefully a society more informed about disease preventon with much healther sexual attitudes.
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I am almost 23 years old. I have a 12 year old sister that will soon be entering into her teenaged years. Now we have always been better prepared for health related issues due to our parents both working in hospitals. Her father is an RN as well as our mother. I think Sex Education in schools needs to be updated to deal with the changing media. Or parents need to step up and confront these issues when they are witnessed on the TV by their kids. Don't just shove it under the rug. Ignorance is what is causing younger and younger teen pregnancy. Give the kids all the facts. Don't sugar coat it. Abstinence is something a church teaches, it's not real life. If you want your kids to make smart decisions make sure they have all the facts before it becomes a problem. And I'm not just talking disease. Kids need to know what the consequences will cost them. Monetarily and physically. If they have sex and get pregnant, they need to know what that will do to their life. And their wallets. Not their parents, them. They are the ones that will be affected. Their lives, their bodies, their money. Again if a parent will not step up to bat when sex rears its head in the media, a school has to make up for your shortcomings as a parent. And it seems to me as if more and more parents are leaving the raising of their kids to TV and the education systems. The school is just trying to make up for the changing times. Parents: This isn't the age of Barbara Eden's most famous stomach and absent naval anymore. Your kids are exposed at younger and younger ages. Schools are trying to keep up with the changing times, not well, but they are trying. And parents, maybe you should bring it up to your kids before it becomes an issue. Take time out of your busy day of work, bill paying, making food and watching TV to talk with your kids. It worked with me and my sister. Maybe it will work with your kids. They will be more likely to listen to you than a stupid teacher in school. Make sure you give them all the facts though. Not just how you want them to behave.
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7th grade is WAY TOO LATE for serious Sex Ed. I've had several 8th grade girl students who I've learned (a year or so later) were sexual with multiple high school boys while in middle school.
Esquire magazine recently had an article about the implication of pervasive internet porn on youth culture. It was ... sobering. The fact is that hard-core porn is MUCH more accessible (and viewed) by both genders of kids during the past ten years than it was in the pre-Internet era.
The impact on kids' psyches is still largely unclear. :-|
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I am 40 and I wish when I was s teenager I had known how to give a guy a hand job. This is an option I should have understood but didnt. I wanted to have sex but not the way boys did, so this skill would have been invaluable.
Now I am a sex educator and counselor, helping people have better sex. I will never teach abstinence. Kids need real skills they can really use in high pressure situations while they are under the influence of alcohol or pot.
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I totally agree with your comment about the hand job. Even a blow job would have been less intrusive than vaginal intercourse, and just as satisfying for my male partner when I was a young woman.
We need to have more materials available for young people that we can hand to them, that frankly discuss the spectrum of sexuality, and that explains that sex need not be a prix fixe meal, but something we can order a la carte.
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Are the current sex education materials discussing masturbation? I know quite a few women who probably would have had sex at a later age if they had known how to "take care of business at home".
Frankly, when I was learning about my own sexual health, the materials available to women were few and far between, and only available at the feminist bookstore.
How are our children supposed to address their sexual health if no one teaches them how?
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Some sexual education is always very helpfull and at least your children should know how to behave in different situation conserning sex. Also they should know what sex toys mean, just for better understanding the problem.
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Comments are now closed.
For me, the father of a primary school daughter, is the ability of the educational system to provide my daughter with the knowledge based tools to be a successful member of our society. Parents are the primary teacher for their children. It is our responsiblity to educate our children - not the school. We stand next to our children to guide and understand things in life they encounter and which my be confusing, difficult to understand, or emotonally stressful. This includes sex education. If the school emphasizes something different from our values or expectations its our job as parents to help our children understand why. Until we as parent become knowledgable and comfortable about sex education many of us will react with anger and fear about its open discussion in any format, but especially school.