As We Are: Sex Workers

AIR DATE: Wednesday, April 15th 2009
POSTED BY: JULIE SABATIER
Photo credit: rougerouge / Flickr / Creative Commons

Sex sells a lot of things — cars, magazines, even environmental consciousness — but it also sells itself in the form of lap dances, pornography and plain old-fashioned prostitution. When the subject of sex work comes up in the media, it's usually a story about curbing illegal activity or cleaning up neighborhoods. The voices of people who work in the sex industry are often absent from these stories. In the next installment of As We Are (hour-long conversations with people who are often talked about instead of heard from) we'll speak with people who have experience working in the sex industry.

Have you ever traded an erotic service — like stripping, nude images or something else — for money? What was that like? How did you get started? If you are no longer working in the sex industry, what made you stop? If you've never worked in this field, what questions do you have for people who do?

Tagged as: as we are · prostitution · sex workers

Photo credit: rougerouge / Flickr / Creative Commons

Althlough it has been said that prostitution is the oldest proffession in the world, and I agree it will never go away, it has also devastated many lives. This issue runs so incredibly deep that it is hard to merely comment on it. It affects so many people in so many negative ways. I am appalled at the latest attempt to just re-name it and try to put it into some kind of functional employment bracket.

I am a 41 year old ex- prostitute. I have struggled with leaving this lifestyle for many years. When I was a small child my family tried to convince me that incest was ok. I always knew that the things they tried to groom me into believing were not at all ok. I entered the life at age 14, right here in Portland OR. I knowingly ran away with every intention on becoming a prostitute. in my young mind it made perfect sense to take control of the very thing that was trying to destroy me. SEX

In the early years this worked for me. I was able to escape the pain and abuse. I made anywhere from $800 to $1000 a day. It was exciting. I was wanted and that felt good. I traveled all over the US. I met all kinds of people and most of them were more than generous. Looking back why wouldn't they have been. I was a young beautiful girl that had exactly what they were looking for.

Then everything changed. I have been raped and left for dead more times than I care to remember. Hideous acts have been performed on me without my permission. I was kidnapped at one point by a satanic cult and I could go on. Not to mention the police contact and jail sanctions. The end result was an old addicted prostitute with not a clue how to live. Because severe addiction was the end result every attempt to help me has been geared towards treating my addiction and completely overlooking the primary problem which was the affects of being raised in the "game" Being brought up in the "sex industry" has impaired my judgment and created problems that the typical addict could never unerstand.

newlife2009 —

Sorry you've had such troubles.

The real issue is your effed up parents. Everything else is way secondary. Prostitution is not the issue. Only is symptom. Like your addictions.

Prostitution doesn't devastate lives, although for some it is a convenient thing to blame.

dtdo —

You sound amazingly well spoken for someone who was in "the life" since age 14. Except for "affects," not a single spelling error. Unusual for a drug addicted lifelong streetwalker. Your syntax and grammar are remarkably excellent.

You made $800 to $1,000 a day as a 14-year-old streetwalker? In 1982 (41 minus 14 is 27 years ago)? I think not. That would be impossible today for a SW who gets $20-$50 a throw, let alone back then.

And then there is the satanic cult. Like the ones who kidnap babies and eat them? Urban legend. Nice touch, though.

I call fiction posted in "serving a larger truth." But hey, it's the metanarrative that matters, right?

johannclimacus —

I am so grateful today to be able to say I have finally found a couple of groups of people who are willing to help me with my primary addiction "prostitution" they are offering me help with the PTSD and all of the other problems I have aquired over the years due to trauma from living this type of lifestyle.

I am involved in a new program called NOW New Alternatives for Women that is offered through LifeWorks here in Portland. I have a mentor today that has lived this type of lifestyle herself and been out of it now for over 10 years. I am also a member of CPA support group. Councel for Prostitution Alternatives. I have found that it is very helpful to meet once a week and talk. We talk about solutions to emediate problems. We do alot of networking and the whole thing is very informal yet affective.

In my opinion these are the very specific programs needed to reach the women who want to leave the industry but do not know how. We should all have this choice. Please support them and help all of the women who want out to be given a chance.

Sincerely,

freedon4308@yahoo.com

newlife2009 —

The media incorrectly portrays all sex workers as under-educated, drug ridden, pimp controlled street walkers.

Escorts I know are an honorable and highly skilled group of individuals who are nothing like this portrayal.

ClemK

clemk49 —

The vast majority of prostitutes are undereducated. A 2007 study showed that average age of death was 34, and 25% of the time it was drug related. Unless one chooses to redefine the word "professional", and render the whole discussion without meaning, escorts are on average, grossly unprofessional, usually psychologically screwed up, often using drugs and sometimes disease ridden.

Your personal experiences are mere anecdote.

Good luck.

dtdo —

Yes, dtdo, anything that disagrees with your worldview is mere anecdote. Maybe you're right about the numbers, although I doubt the survey talked to many women at the other end of the continuum.

If the "average" age of death is 34, you're talking about drug-addicted streetwalkers. If true, that is an undeniable tragedy, and no one could support or defend that sort of thing.

But that has nothing whatever to do with educated, independent women who have an entirely different profile. It's like saying there is no difference between someone ordering a bottle of Oregon Pinot Noir at a restaurant and someone passed out  under a bridge with a bottle of Night Train. The tragedy of the latter has nothing to do with the experience of the former.

johannclimacus —

I fully agree.  There seems to be no rational reason why some people who enjoy pleasing others in this way cannot have a fun and respectful means of making a living through it.  There is a false premise being made today that this kind of work is inherently damaging.  There seems to be no evidence to support this.

OregonSean —

poverty sucks, survival, there are worse jobs, public shaming, johns school, it doesn't seem sacred, marry for money, stay married for money, straight up transaction, respect my boundries, pros use condoms --do you, the difference between a ho and a slut, lawyer wages, classism, she got game, tricks of the trade, it wasnt a rape it was theft of services, he murdered my friends, hookers are your neighbors too, police sensitivity, good girl, good ho, i'll save you ummm free pussy ugh, red light district, sleep/suck your way to the top, pathology, outlaw, ho stigma, it's a job, The get in the car, can i touch you, game,  HELP, pimp dawg, madame, whore house, police payoff, whats love, everybody has a price, deviant, SHAME, legislate police brutality, not mothers, daughters, sisters, 3 condom law is stupid, saftey, any ole korner will do, what some call miles I call experience, jumping into cars, jumping out of rapists cars, get license plate, men posing as police, police posing as ho's, anonimity, pleasure/ pain, too young/too old, isolation, contempt for pros,  hold our head up, ho heaven, street morality street mortality, street codes, flyin signs, stop the hate, educate, harm reduction, prison system exists to supporting larger power structure that oppress, challenge criminalization, action to develop plans with affinity groups, listen to marginalized groups, develop trust, empowerment and inclusion, promote alternatives that honor humans, do not assume you are not prejudice, peace, compassion ,respect and support, thankyou OPB Think Out Loud for letting my voice be heard.  

MerryMag —

Word!! Your stream-of-consciousness post brings it all home.

buffy —

Word? Not.

Drugs on board? Obviously.

Remember Charlie Manson's rants. This might be a quote.

dtdo —

charlie manson was a HO?

MerryMag —

Thank you for bringing the power of poetry to this topic.

OregonSean —

I am a sex worker. I love my job. I am so happy to have this forum where we (sex workers) can come to give our point of view. And I'm happy to see clients of sex workers posting as well.

Not every prostitute is underaged, pimped or strung out on drugs. But you'd never know that from mainstream media's portrayel of the adult industry. Yes, there are those forced in to sex work by either lifestyle choices or pressure from others, but I don't know any of them. All my co-workers are independent providers who freely chose to do sex work.

Some thoughts:

I've never dated someone because they have money. Nobodie's ever paid my rent for me. I work for my money by providing adult companionship and short-term intimacy honestly and with integrity. I don't pretend to like and appreciate my clients. I DO like and appreciate them

I wonder how many women who married for money can say the same?

It's time to decriminalize sex work. Not every sex worker is forced in to the work. Not every sex worker is underaged or pimped. Some of us freely chose to become adult providers and many of us ENJOY the work. I like my job. I believe in my job

I wonder how many people trapped in 9-5 job can say the same

I provide a valuable service to society. Which is why I'm open about my work. I don't do anything I am ashamed of. I pay taxes.  I make people happy. I make the world a better place.

I wonder how many corperate bigwigs can say the same?

I am involved in several online communities. We offer support and encouragement to each other, both as clients and as providers. We buy toys for kids at Christmas. We hold fund raisers when someone's house burns down. We donate portions of our earnings to those in need. We talk politics. We talk health. We get together for yoga and post threads asking for support in quitting smoking (or drinking or whatever). We have potlucks and mixers. We talk about our heartaches and our triumphs.

I wonder how many others have a work environment so supportive?


I could go on and on but I'm more interested in reading what others have to say.

I hope men (and women) who use adult providers will post. More do than you might think.

buffy —

Buffy,

Thanks so much for your post. There's a lot here, but one line that stood out to me — how could it not this week? — was the the one about taxes. You say you pay them. How does that work?

Dave

David Miller —

Buffy,

Well said.

echolynch —

Way to portray the positive side of what we do!!!!!!! W00p  W00p

DelilahBleu —

buffy, i'd like to get in on your online groups! MerryMag

MerryMag —

Buffy,

I like what you have to say, I think it's appropriate and you have a good point. I sometimes wonder what I feel about prostitution, but then I have to think if I support a women's right to choose I have to support what that women does with her body.

pretty pea —

Thank you, OPB, for allowing the voice of the non-victimized sex worker on your show. It's rare that we are given an opportunity to join in on the conversation.

buffy —

Buffy,

A lot of people who are addicted to something are addicted to other things, too.  Some people in Sex Addicts Anonymous came to SAA after going through AA or NA recovery, which helped them realize they have a sex addiction, too. 

Compulsive anxiety disorders, addictions are inappropriate responses to triggering situations that have been learned.  The good thing is, they can be unlearned, too.  Are you the Buffy who advertises your services on the Portland-based prostitution site The Hobby Hunter? That Buffy posted that she had at one time been sober for 6 months, and had been a drunk for the previous nine years.  If that isn't you, I apologize.  However, if you are that Buffy, I hope you are still in recovery and are being honest with yourself.  Though, on this blog you, and sound like you are trying to talk yourself into thinking your life is OK.  You protest too much.

Anonymous —

I wish you had been a guest on the show.  Thank you for challenging the stereotype and bringing another perspective to the conversation.

OregonSean —

Sweden has it right-- prostitution is a crime against women.

May —

Nonsense. Unless you want the government making all choices for you.

And one way tickets are pretty cheap right now.

dtdo —

That will be news to all those who imagine that they know more about their lives and choices than you do. But of course, they are all deluded pawns of the phallocentric patriarchal hegemon.

johannclimacus —

I'm doing this in two parts, because I talk too much. :)

I am also a sex worker. And I completely relate to what Buffy has to say. I am proud of what I do. (and I pay taxes also - I'm incorporated as a personal companion.)

I am constantly reading, taking workshops, improving my ability to help others. I see my work as a truly positive, even loving, experience. I specialize in Tantra and other forms of Sacred Sexuality, but I am also simply a companion. I am open to all aspects of this work.

I have a college degree, and worked in my field for a time, but I feel happier and more fulfilled doing sex work.

I have learned an amazing appreciation and understanding of men - not just sexually, but personally, culturally. Like Buffy, I truly enoy spending time with my clients, and appreciate them for the remarkable, individual human beings that they are.

I consider myself a feminist, one who's tired of traditional feminists telling me that my vagina is sacred. Yes, it is - but *I* get to decide that, not someone else. They expect women to have the right to choose what to do with their bodies as far as abortion is concerned, but they would deny me the right to choose on a sexual level. In doing so, they play right into the patriarchal paradigm they profess to hate.

The women I've met in this business are truly amazing. So many strong, intelligent, educated women, thoughtful and passionate. We do have a lot of fun together, and as Buffy mentioned, we often do parties and such, do charity drives, look out for each other.

BeverlyFisher —

Like many of my girlfriends in the business, I am a divorced mother of one. I am proud of my daughter, who is healthy and happy, does well in school, isn't involved in anything dangerous -- in short, all a mother could want. My job has allowed me flexibility with my time. I can be there to help with homework. I can take a day off if she's sick, without worrying about using up "sick days."

It is true that our work can be very dangerous. But we look out for one another, and have private websites where we share information about dangerous or abusive clients, and screening techniques to keep safe. 

We also share information about marketing, branding, resources, web design, and more. The modern sex worker is a businesswoman, with a wide variety of skills and abilities. I estimate I spend about 90 percent of my time in front of a computer, and a mere 10 percent entertaining friends.

But I have to be honest and say that sex work can seem fun and glamorous from the outside, when on the inside it can be hard, scary, depressing, and dangerous. It's not a decision to enter into lightly... because it also changes your whole life, for the rest of your life. Permanently. Even after you leave the business, you can never truly leave it behind, for a variety of reasons.

Society is cruel to us. That's the reality. And it's hard sometimes, to hold your head up high, knowing inside that you're doing a good, positive thing, when all around you is judgement, derision, even hatred. So thank you for providing us a forum, at least, to share our truth.

BeverlyFisher —

I'm a sex worker (stripper and dominatrix), age 29, in Portland.  I hold a BA with honors and a Master's with highest honors, both of which I finished before I began dancing.  I do not use drugs.  I'm happily married.  I pay my taxes.  I work every day to improve my community.

I began dancing because I wanted to try it.  I thought it looked fun, and my career was wearing me down emotionally.  I have continued dancing for five years because I enjoy it, and because it allows me the freedom to work part-time hours for full-time pay and spend the rest of my time living for my family and myself, rather than a corporate boss.  My husband comes home to a well-maintained home and nutritious food made from scratch - how many women have time to provide that kind of care nowadays?  Yes, I believe in women's liberation and empowerment - that's why no one else is going to tell me how I'm allowed to support my family or whether I may enjoy my job.  I'm self-employed and free, I love my job, and I'm happy.

To the man who asked "how does that work" regarding tax payment - it works just like anyone else who is self-employed.  I keep track of my earnings and work-related expenses throughout the year and my accountant figures up what I owe.  You don't need a corporate W2 to pay taxes.

Thank you for this story, OPB.  I'm looking forward to listening as I get ready for another day onstage.

LilyRebelle —

I think the term 'Sex Worker' leaves the absurd and ridiculous label 'prostitute' for dead. After all logic tells us that anyone who sells their body for financial reward could possibly also apply to those who spend long hours sweating in a factory for a boss.

Even if that logic is not acceptable to some (after all the morality of the 'sex for sale act' has always been brought into question by Church Leaders, the pious and the bigoted for centuries.

However, no one will ever stop Gambling, Alcohol or Sex for sale. It has been an integral part of the human psyche since time immemorial. After all whatever the commodity, the demand must come before the supply. That is the rule of commerce.

Because some countries still live in the past, there are laws against this activity and while such laws exist then leeches, pimps and parasites will manipulate women in order to get a share of the profits. The USA should have learned from prohibition that pushing a human need under the carpet bring out the criminal element. Then the trouble really starts.

Once sex slaves and drugs become bedfellows and women are lured in drug habits then social problems become even worse.

There are taxes on alcohol and gambling and both are regulated in most western countries. Why doesn't this also apply to the other human vice that will also be there.

I am a woman and not a sex worker. I've been lucky that I had a good education a successful company and an excellent inheritance otherwise...who knows!

jennybutters —

I think the analogy to Prohibition is quite accurate. Some counties in Nevada have legalized the trade and the results? Revenue from taxes, a service being provided to many, many clients, a SAFE place for those who chose this employment. The reason for the inherent danger in this business is primarily BECAUSE it is illegal.  Also, Portland police (well most police anywhere) is notorious for mistreatment of sex workers, from rape to blackmail to physical and emotional abuse, all without repercussion. Many of the sex workers I know have college degrees are very intelligent businesswomen for whom I have the highest respect for. I cannot say the same for the SAHM’s in my neighborhood that turn their street into Wisteria lane with their hour long morning gossip after the kids have gone to school. So many are unhappy in their marriages but stay “for the kids” when she really means the 4*3 house behind her and the SUV in the driveway, and the $200 shoes and $150 purse she has with her while she sips her coffee made with her home espresso machine, all while her equally unhappy husband is off at work, or sometimes visiting one of the smart, funny, sexy and independent sex workers mentioned above.

echolynch —

i know thats right!

MerryMag —

I hope there are other guests on the show today other than the former street walker/pimped prostitute. There are many, many varieties of sex workers. This particular one has been covered ad nauseum.

Please, OPB, interview sex workers who are happy being escorts, dancers, sensual tantrikas, etc. We are many.

*Thank you, David. I really wish I could have been the escort interviewed!! I hope you get some good callers. What's the call in number?

buffy —

Buffy,

We have a dancer on now... and we had booked an escort who simply didn't show up. It's a disappointment, but hopefully we'll get some escorts as callers.

The vagaries of live radio!

Dave

David Miller —

It's 888-665-5TOL.

David Miller —

the guest has a very sad story.  What is her take on all the craigslist ads?  DO online prostitutes make more than streetwalking call girls? Just curious.

How did the guest protect her health in this notoriously dangerous profession?

roboturkey —

Streetwalkers have moved onto Craigslist.  It hasn't replaced the street, but it has become another place for streetwalkers to peddle their goods.

As someone else said, there is a WIDE variety of sex workers out there:

- The pimped streetwalker / the bad side of Craigslist girl (I feel for these girls) who is essentially a sex slave

- The high end agency girl in New York or Miami that makes $1,000 an hour

- The girl next door who really enjoys her work and advertises on her own internet website, screens her clients by asking for references from other providers, and really enjoys her work

- The girl that puts a few ads on Craigslist or is a dancer or whatever and finds 2 or 3 regular guys to take care of her

And there are many, many more.  Please don't put every woman who has had sex for money into the category of the pimped out streetwalker.

peteh —

If the judgement is left out the practical would be to legalize it. Check this out for a more interesting view of the life and world of a sex worker:

http://metaphysicalpussy.blogspot.com/

slickjesus —

I'm so disappointed to see that the only guests you're showing are an oppressed, pimped woman and a man.  So only men can be happy by living off their sexuality?  Why not have a happy, sexually-empowered female for once?  What a shame... you guys really missed an opportunity here.

LilyRebelle —

Yeah I know right!

DelilahBleu —

Check out the link to metaphysical pussy. A very impressive take on a sex worker and couselor as well.

http://metaphysicalpussy.blogspot.com/

slickjesus —

As I wrote to Buffy above, we had booked another guest — a basically professionally satisfied female escort — but she never showed up.

David Miller —

too true, I think we all have a prejudice idea about what prostitutes are, but why not cover all bases and bring up the subject of women who do it because they enjoy it? or because they practice it safely...it's easy to sell horror stories, not so easy to convince that there are honest, hardworking escorts out there. I feel like they took the easy way out, but I will listen and see.

pretty pea —

I wonder why Knox chose to work at a gay club as a straight man? And if he dates women, what do they think about his profession?

pretty pea —

LOL.  There aren't any in PDX.

stripperpdx —

I have paid for the services of a sex worker, or an escort. More than once. Each woman is unique and each situation is also unique.  I vet my courtesans very carefully; do as much research as possible. I have never participated with someone on a stroll. It is doubtful that any of the escorts I have visited with walk, but one can never be completely sure.

My visits are almost always a blend of conversation and intimacy. It is difficult to have the latter without the former.  In those conversations I have noticed many are well educated, bright, and have no illusions about what they are doing and who they are.  There are a few who struggle with some of the aspect of what they do, and most who have safety concerns. 

To those who say prostitution is abuse of women – I would counter if you really cared about how women were treated you would be in favor of legalizing prostitution and protecting the women of the trade.  The danger comes because the illicitness protects the criminals who would prey on the women in the industry. 

 

Your guest is one type of sex worker, but by no means is she representative of all sex workers.  As she mentioned she sold drugs, had a pimp and that the worst time was with a pimp. The pimps are the real criminals, but society and the police pay little attention to them, instead focusing on the escorts and the johns.  Drugs are a real problem, and treatment for drugs is a valid answer for those who turn to prostitution to obtain drugs, but treatment for being an escort? That is another stupid idea from the Portland police.

 

Emily – you asked for callers who have ever paid for sex. I have, but I can’t call in. Ask on air and I will post my response.

pdx97223 —

Of all the sexworkers--how many choose and how many don't? I mean in reality this can become a philisophical question--that is, "Do we really have a choice?" especially when it comes to making money in this culture/country? The guests on this show are talking about the bottomline of making money---if things were different in this world/US regarding poverty and SES--would they have made the same so called "choices"? Although I don't judge people that do this professionally on a personal level---I do wish that our world was a better place---and that sustaining a living wasn't so difficult.

berkana —

And how many people work in jobs they hate because they feel they have no other choice? How many people stay in dead-end jobs for the health insurance?

The adult industry isn't the only industry where people get 'trapped'. It's just one of the few that pays well!

buffy —

I wonder about the history of this.

I think that marriage started out as buying women for sex, as chattel property. Buying and selling women still exists around the world, for dowries, for cows, probably for status.

The idea of the sanctity of marriage is a pretty recent innovation, historically it has been a property transaction.

I wonder about what other and even ancient cultures did about sex work and workers.

Tom D Ford —

pros use condoms, it's the women that don't want portray themselves as sex savy, have the good girl syndrome, that spread disease, since the onset of HIV HCV , pros can put a condom on a man held in their mouth get paid more and they don't even know they have it on

MerryMag —

What do your guests think of the Nevada system? Sex work and erotica is integrated with the entire tourist system. Highly marketed and easily accessible.

Prostitution is legal and the workers are offered health checks and have systems to protect them from violence as well as a pay and tax structure.

If your guests had these options, what would they do with them?

amy-OR —

Tamika's story is sad, and her mother's also. The SAME person? WHY IS THIS ALLOWED? That is the bigger question, why is this family member allowed to rape two generations?! That's terrible and frustrating.

pdx97223 —

I was just driving in my car listening to your guest and her mother. I was extremely touched by their interaction and acceptance towards each other. Thank you for having people on the show that are "talked about" often and who don't have a voice in most social realms but are often critiqued and ostrasized.

dsalgado —

Some Thoughtful Reflection On my First Week as an Escort

Today marks my third week as an escort! Wow so much has happened in that short time. I wanted to put some thoughts down. I remember all the work and questions I had before I started. I remember the wonderful advice and patience of the escort that helped me understand what I was attempting to do. I remember setting the date on humpday (Wednesday) and finding a lot of amusement in it. I remember being terrified that no one would see me. lol I remember how amazed I was to find out that you all are human and the ones I have had the privilege to see are wonderful interesting ones at that. I remember having so much to do that at times I was sure I would never get the opportunity to open a door. I remember what it felt like to get my membership at the tanning salon something I had wanted to do for so long and paying for it myself. I remember sitting down at 13coins by myself to celebrate my first review. I remember so many things. These are just the ones I want to share.

I have learned that this is a lot of work no matter how much fun you are having doing it. I have learned that kindness wins over hate. I have learned that  people can be political and catty. I have learned that it is best to ignore then to react. I have learned that scheduling is the hardest thing in the world for me. I have learned that your day is how you make it. If you are happy those around you tend to be as well. I have learned that owning up to a mistake has its rewards. I have learned that I love myself and to give myself time to be a 20yo woman. That my well of giving and emotions needs to be replenished for me to be good at this. I have learned that housekeeping are very hard working people and treat them with kindness and generosity. I have learned that I am independent and on my own and doing what I need to for the ones I love. I have learned that I am beautiful and desired; a first for me actually. It is something that I am trying to process and be positive about and not let it get to my head. I have learned that an email or tweet from someone can so make my day. I have learned that this community provides a very much needed service.

DelilahBleu —

Right on, DelilahBleu! And, yes, always treat housekeeping with the UTMOST respect!! (and empty your own trash and tip very well!)

buffy —

I repect the honesty and openness of you guests and their family members.  I am a Certified Sex Addciction Therapist here in Portland.  For many sex industry workers and their clients their sexual behaviors are part of a primary and progressive addiction just as destructive as alcohol and drug abuseto addicts and their families.  The behavior in fact impact the same areas of the brain.  Not all workers or customers of the sex industry are addicts approximately 6-10 % of the adult population are sexually addicted.  There are multiple generations of addiction, abuse and trauma in the families of sexual addicts for 80% of addicts.

Treatment is available for sex addicts and their family members from Sexual addiction therapists and includes relapse prevention, confronting denial, understanding the nature of sexual addiction, restoring health and safety.  

stevendelugach —

I repect the honesty and openness of you guests and their family members.  I am a Certified Sex Addciction Therapist here in Portland.  For many sex industry workers and their clients their sexual behaviors are part of a primary and progressive addiction just as destructive as alcohol and drug abuseto addicts and their families.  The behavior in fact impact the same areas of the brain.  Not all workers or customers of the sex industry are addicts approximately 6-10 % of the adult population are sexually addicted.  There are multiple generations of addiction, abuse and trauma in the families of sexual addicts for 80% of addicts.

Treatment is available for sex addicts and their family members from Sexual addiction therapists and includes relapse prevention, confronting denial, understanding the nature of sexual addiction, restoring health and safety.  

stevendelugach —

I want to express compassion for sex workers and johns and their loved ones. There is a 12 STEP program called sexaholics anonymous and a support group for individuals affected by another's sexual addiction called S-Anon. These groups have been very helpful to my husband and myself.

The S-Anon hotline, if you want to know where there are meetings in this area, is 503-299-4442. Websites for both groups is www.sa.org and www.sanon.org.

marybarbara —

I first started my journey at the age of 21. Started with an agency and was eventually introduced to a private madam in Beverly Hills. Needless to say, I was very young and only cared about the "money" with no real concept of what I was doing or where I was going. I was stupid to say the less, I started to do drugs and live the "rock n roll" life style. I'm alive today due to my friend, a "drug dealer". He told me straight up that I would be dead in 6 months if I continued on this path. The gentleman/drug dealer, had me call my mom and I went home to clean up and sober up. Yet, something was still missing in my life. My journey was not yet done, maybe never even started.

I stayed out of the business till the age of 24. I had a yearning to discover more about myself and my Sexuality. Where could I do this in a safe environment? Hmm, the Brothels of Nevada. So off to The Chicken Ranch I went and my journey of self discovery started. I learned safe sex practices, what to look for on the clients in regard to STD's and WE were TESTED weekly and monthly for ALL STD's, something I do to this very day, but i'll get to that later.

Working in the Brothels expanded my knowledge in a safe environment and sex play, my Sexuality and I learned to embrass my Sensuality as a woman. I truly became indendent as a being and whole.

My journey continued on to Phoenix where I explored the SCAREDNESS of SEX WORK. I started studies in energy work as well as enhancing my technique with massage theraphy. To touch another and to be touch has more healing power so I feel I am an asset to society. Even in mainstream medicine we talk about the importance of "touch", that human connection in the healing process.

Today, I am proud to say I am a Sex Worker. I am Drug Free, Disease Free and am completely Independent. I am a paid companion to Gentlemen and Couples. I file my taxes every year as well.

Thank-you for giving us a voice and please do this again so we could include more Sex Workers and Hobbyist Nationwide

the Milf next door

 the Housewife

Will continue with another post

theHousewife —

STD's...I mentioned this earlier. I, as well as many upon many Ladies and Men(Sex Workers and Hobbyist), get tested on a regular basis. Some go to the health department, their own personial doctor and some do what I do. I prefer to have my testing done through www.aimhealthcare.org . Dr. Sharon Mitchel (hope I spelled that right), a formor Porn start started this. AIM does all the testing for the Porn industry and has the highest standards and the latest test available. Their HIV test is the DNA test which can detect the HIV virus  after 10 days of being exposed to it, compared to the standard test which is 6 months.

Let me make this clear though, I do not behave in high risk behavior. I will not "BareBack" with anyone. I always use a condom.

So, my journey continues, I am fullfilled with my life and content. I am able to provide comfort to those who need comfort. I am able to fulfill a fantasy for those who desire to explore their fantasies. I am a paid companion, a Sex Worker and proud to be so.

The media does not do us justice. Yes, there are bad elements in our society, those who will prey on others and I am thank-ful that there are groups to help those who want to leave this business.

Society treats us as second class. For some reason "you" seem to have decided we look a certain way, dress a certain way, behave a certain way. Please, do not judge a book by it's cover, I am an example of that. You would never know what I did by looking at me.

Well, I have babbled enough and would like to read some of the other comments or reply.

Thank-you for giving us a voice and please do this again so we could include more Sex Workers and Hobbyist Nationwide

the Milf next door

 the Housewife

theHousewife —

I'm a dancer, I have been for over 5 years and I just wanted to echo what Buffie, and some others have said.  I love my job and I feel blessed that I have it.  I am a mother and am able to provide a great home for my children.  I make a great income and I am home every evening to be with my family. 

When I quit dancing I would love to coach or mentor dancers on how to get the most out of this industry, in a healthy, efficient way.  It really can be a great opportunity, if you are intelligent about it.

Happy Tax Day, go out and buy some lapdances!!!!

stripperpdx —

i have a slightly different slant i believe: i tend to date or be romantically involved, or be in companion and friend positions with sex workers. i am friends with strippers, have dated escorts, served Professional Dominatrixes...

Generally, the sex workers i have spent time with do it because they enjoy it, and want to have a profession that they enjoy. The money is good, and they control their hours and who they spend time with... with the exception of strippers who are dealing more directly with "the public".

Most of these ladies (and a few men) are safe and healthy, intelligent and self aware people. i respect and love them, and they are influential on me as well. 

i personally love stripping and erotic dancing myself, and am trying to find the space to do it for more than just fun myself. My current goal is to go down to the minimum time at my day job where i can keep my benefits (32 hours) and make up the money lost by getting some exotic dancing gigs. Obviously this is totally voluntary action, that i would do to free up some time in my life, and to make money doing something i enjoy.

nikkilev —

Earlier in the discussion, Mr. Miller asked the fillowing:

Buffy,

Thanks so much for your post. There's a lot here, but one line that stood out to me — how could it not this week? — was the the one about taxes. You say you pay them. How does that work?

Dave

I am a retired tax accountant (enrolled agent) who had a number of sex workers as clients when I was doing tax work.  Among these were both strippers and escorts.

These people filed their tax returns just like any other self-employed taxpayer.  We filed their returns for the same reasons that anyone else files returns and pays taxes.  They want to do what is right and follow the law.  They want to show they have income when they buy a house or want to apply for credit.  Some are eligible for public benefits based upon their income levels.  They pay taxes for the same reasons that the self-employed landscaper or contractor or taxicab driver pay their taxes.

When asked to list their occupation, some were quite upfront and listed dancer or escort.  Most chose to be listed as entertainers or artists.

How do they file their returns?  They list their income for the year.  We tally up their expenses:  dancing costumes, and fees paid to the bar for the dancers.  For the escorts, we deducted STD testing fees, condoms, sometimes travel to a client, sometimes motel room fees if paid by the escort. Some have advertising expenses, and so on.

All in all, it's just like filing the tax return for any other business person in a personal services business. 

And, yes, many of these people also evade their duty to pay taxes.  So do those in any of the occupations I listed above.

BeetleBug —

As executive director for Portland's Council for Prostitution Alternatives, I have worked with dozens of women in prostitution.  Rather than considering women in the sex industry individually, I suggest it is more useful to take a big-picture-over-time approach in analyzing prostitution. 

Viewed as a group, and over their lifespan, women in prostitution present a tragic picture.  

A composite portrait of one of my clients before prostitution:  disproportionately often a child of color, always severely abused in childhood, 90% of the time incested, usually grew up in a home with addiction.

A composite protrait of my clients during prostitution:  impoverished, addicted, homeless, ruined teeth, victim of battery and rape, attempter of suicide, children adopted out, suffering from PTSD, unemployable, and a survivor of homicidal assault.

In the face of such a picture, focusing on those relatively privileged individuals who claim to enjoy their lives in the sex trade is irresponsible. 

In the face of such a picture, talking of "choice" to be in "sex work" is cruel.

In the face of such a picture, failing to note gender inequality is ignoring the fact there is a very large elephant in the room.  The vast majority of prostituted persons are impoverished women; the vast majority of pimps and johns are men with disposable income.   

lilalee —

"In the face of such a picture, focusing on those relatively privileged individuals who claim to enjoy their lives in the sex trade is irresponsible."

And never, ever giving voice to all of us who lead victimless lives as sex workers is also irresponsible.

buffy —

I appreciate your view and comments... However, I think that focusing on that ugly segment and not legalizing activities between consenting adults actually helps allow it to perpertuate at the level it does... Abuse happens in the shadows of darkness and shame. That is what we have now.

The only models for legalized Prostitution occur in Nevada and Europe. It doesn't eliminate the seedy side, but it does minimize it. Legalizing allows for better information and also for better safety.

Yes, I am actually a fairly well known Male Customer. I have also befriended and dated several escorts. I can say they are just normal people who have a tendency to be very creative sexually. The ones I am refering to have a level of compassion and understanding that they are also selling. They insist on safety as well.

The impoverished part comes from exploitation. The escorts I know aren't exploited, but informed and empowered. If you truly want to diminish what you are refering to , Legalize Escorting...

I will say from a clients side, I could never see anyone I feel I am exploiting. If it was more known you could actually see ladies who aren't exploited and enjoy this, I feel the demand for those that are on the street (Where most exploited ladies you describe are) would fall dramatically. If there is not the customer base, there is not the business...

Pat

Patsbeef —

Well, Lila, There is no doubt that there are many victims of various sorts in the prostitution biz. But since your clients would by definition tend to be the victimized and unhappy, not the ones who are independent and doing just fine, you probably would not know much about the latter.

What almost no one outside the subculture knows is that there very many women who trade sex for money who are educated, have full time jobs, including many professionals, and have otherwise normal lives. For many of these, they love the sex. The money often simply provides a boundary, something that defines the limits of the relationship, unlike an "affair," where misunderstandings, mismatched expectations, hurt feelings and other consequences often result. When money changes hands---because it changes hands---both parties are clear about the limits of the relationship. For many of these women, alternatives like swingers' clubs have not worked out for one reason or another. Many like the "naughty" thrill of charging money---the excitement of the forbidden. What they have in common is a desire for an outlet for their sexual fantasies. It's a big, wide world out there, and it is arrogant to pretend you understand what this means for everyone involved. You don't.

Buffy is completely right, Lila, about your dismissive attitude toward anyone who doesn't fit your ideological template. Fundamentalism comes in many forms. If you think everyone in this activity fits your model, you simply don't know what you're talking about. It's like saying everyone at a wine tasting is a hopeless drunk.

johannclimacus —

Yes some of us do this by choice and enjoy it. Without abuse; be it sexual, emotional, drug, or physical. Independently and with a lot of care and intelligence. But that does not fit into a sterotype nor does it sell well to a general public that is uneducated on sex work as a profession. It is time we take the time to educate people on the other side of the coin.

DelilahBleu —

I’m bummed I was unable to join and add my comments earlier. But, here’s a few thoughts from a happy, not the least bit ashamed, stable, well educated, non-addicted, emotionally healthy, professional woman who regularly pays for the NSA companionship of an escort:

 

Yes, there are many sad stories of drug addiction, trafficking, exploitation, violence, abuse, or worse. And this is the image that pervades the collective consciousness of the vast majority when they think of “prostitution”.

 

But, what those people do not know is there is also a world out there of which they are unaware. This one is a world filled with thoughtful, intelligent, empowered, sex positive, business savvy women and their equally delightful and delighted customers.

 

There is an organized support system that provides advice, safety checks, education, and camaraderie. And here lives a healthy, positive and playful attitude towards adult, consensual sexuality. At the end of the day, business is business and providing a professional service is just that. And, in this case, what a unique and lovely service it is. If done well, and with genuine grace and sophistication it is one that will earn loyal and happy repeat customers. And can, for the woman (or man) providing this service, create a satisfying, rewarding, fulfilling professional life.

 

I am saddened that there is a dark side to this coin. But, I am also thrilled to participate in the light side. I can only hope that higher visibility on the positive aspect of sex work(er) will help shift attitudes and begin to differentiate between the exploited, and the empowered.

 

Where I’m coming from, I assure you, there is no need to expend law enforcement time or tax dollars to “save” me, or my paid companions from the “crime of prostitution”

anima —

To all who responded to my post:

I have no problem with persons who sell sex and are happy, fulfilled, and truly making a choice in doing so.  I don't worry a lot about such people because they don't need my help.

The people I worry about are my clients, who DO need help, and who hate being in prostitution.  CPA has worked with 60 such women, who have sought our services because we do very little outreach.

By any reasonable measure, my clients have been coerced into prostitution and have not really made a choice.  There may be a problem with "the horrors of prostitution" stereotype dis-affirming those who are happy with sex work as a chosen profession, but I think there is a more urgent problem with the "Happy Hooker/Pretty Woman" stereotype dis-affirming those who are effectively coerced into prostitution and living lives akin to slavery. 

My proposed solution to the prostitution problem would be a civil ordinance whereby women coerced into prostitution could sue pimps and johns for money damages.  The law I advocate would define "coercion" broadly, in a manner that realistically reflects the power inequities  between women like my clients and those who sell and buy them for sex. 

Such a law would put the power into the hands of the abused prostituted person and would constitute no interference with the rights of persons to practice sex work if they so choose.

I support every woman's (and man"s) choices and freedom of expression, but we need to do something about the fact that some people have a lot better choices and a lot more freedom of expression than others.

As to the poster who asserts that the escorts he uses for sex "enjoy him," aren't you assuming a lot?  Saying "you're the best," etc.  has always been part of what was paid for.

lilalee —

To rank the "the horrors of prostitution" stereotype over a positive image of the contemporary sexworker (and I mean a realistic one, not the "Happy Hooker/Pretty Woman" stereotype) does both sides a disservice.  

 

Sex workers live in the shadow of the image of streetwalkers; which continues to put their lives at risk due to the persistent attitude that a whore is a whore is a whore. And, every hr spent by law enforcement wasting time trying bust a willing sex worker for a victimless crime, is an hr not spent dealing with the real problems of exploited/abused women.

 

One way to start shifting this vicious cycle is to give more voice to the positive. Without visibility on the positive, there is no way for people to begin to recognize the difference between a streetwalker, and a contemporary sex worker who has willingly chosen her profession.

 

Having grown up under the negative stereotype of being ‘gay’ I well know that without the voices of those willing to put themselves on the line, under risk of real personal violence, I would not be living in a world in which being ‘gay’ is OK.  And, there is no coincidence between the increasing positive images of gays and lesbians in popular culture, and increasing cultural tolerance and legal protection.

 

Visibility on, and accurate perception of the positive is one key to clearly separating out the negative in the perception of the masses. This helps us understand where to focus our efforts to affect positive change where it is most needed.

 

So perhaps--and  recognizing a certain irony here-- active, vocal support of the “happy hookers” could go a long way towards improving lives of the not so happy ones.

anima —

I am a sex industry researcher and sexuality counslor and educator. Not very many people talk about the negative effects of the local sex industry on some unrepresented groups of people in our local Portland community because they are viewed as already being represented - heterosexual females in relationships wtih men who patronize the sex industry. Women who want to change the industry are labeled as prudes, or crazy for not loving naked women as much as men. Many women like to idolize the industry the way it is, be in it, support strip clubs, wear PLayboy gear, and generally not support women who want to change the industry to reflect not only the fantsies of heterosexual men, but also heterosexual women. Email me at hibayeria@yahoo.com so we can have a city wide discussion on the subject.

CC —

There are really two separate points in your post. I can't comment on how women in the industry might feel about changing the industry to target women--that's a big ball of string.

But, for someone who is a sex industry researcher and sexuality counslor and educator I find your comment about the under representation of  women involved with men who patronize the sex industry…well..peculiar.  

 

That has little to do, directly anyway, with the sex industry itself, or women who work in the sex industry. If a man (or womans) activities are causing relationship difficulties (whether those activites are sex related, or not), that falls into the big arena of “communication within that relationship”.

 

For example, an escort does not  “cause” a man to jeopardize his personal realtionships by seeking her services. Last time I checked, men still had free will. And it’s a little too convenient to say “my husband is seeing escorts, ergo he is a sex addict”.  (which you did not say---but is a prevelant position)

 

And I’m certainly not suggesting it is their wife/GF’s fault. If that is happening, there is obviously a communcation gap within that relationship. So, instead of advocating representation of women involved with men involved with sex workers, it would seem more appropriate to focus on couples who could benefit from improving their interpersonal communcation skills. And, there is no shortage of couples therapists out there.

anima —

Sex workers are the most represented voices, escpecially women, who like the industry the way it is. When I tell other women the industry should cater to heterosexual women as much  as it does men, I get the tired old lines - "women arent interested in seeing naked men," "there is no demand." All stupid and untrue. No one ever asked me. I like men, penises, etc...how is it possible that amost women in this town support naked women only. Who are they afraid of?

 Are they afraid of saying they fantisizr about men? How is that vast numers of women have sex with men, but say they are into nakes women? Its rediculous!!! 6.6 Billion people and women like naked women???? Do the math!!!!!  The women who are not afraid to say yes I like to fantazize about men are the ones who are reviled. Its women who like penises who dont get a voice in this PLayboy, stripper obsessed male sexualtiy centered culture. Feminists like myself are considered prude since we like men? Isnt it the women who dont question the industry men created for men the real prudes?

CC —

The City of Portland says they do due dilegence in zoning - yeah right - On Powell blvd. Safari is across the street from a high school, the kids have to walk past it the get to their athletic field. The old Parrys childrens center is across from TWO strip clubs, Tommys and Cocktails and Dreams. What a joke.

CC —

Notice how no one talks about the effect on relationships the sex industry. Oh you wouldnt want to be called a religious freak or too PC if you brought up the most obvious issue - the sex industry is mostly about what men want. Everyone assumes women dont want the same thing? Dont assume!!!

CC —

I caught portions of this discussion on the radio earlier in the day, but unfortunately unable to either call or email in until now. 

I have been with many providers over the past four years, have become close to several, and still maintain a close friendship with some.  The ones I know bear no resemblance to the stereotypes one thinks of when one hears the news reports about the drug-addled streetwalkers on 82nd Avenue...on the contrary.  Many are college-educated, erudite and articulate people who simply happen to enjoy sex and have decided to earn a living doing so.  Others I have met who didn't have the benefit of a college education were as intelligent and smart as many in my own profession with a Master's degree. 

The other preconceived notion that I had prior to my involvement in this industry and which was summarily demolished, was that providers and escorts are only in it for the money and don't care about their customers.  Again, not always true.  I know many who are extremely loving individuals who truly care about others and have developed strong feelings for their clients...and likewise clients with providers.   I know that one first-hand.

Are my observations representative of the entire cross-section of this industry?  Of course not!  It is true that there is indeed a seedy aspect to it.  I have also met drug-addicted individuals...who HAPPEN to be providers.  I have also met some who have an alcohol problem, or a gambling problem, or who perhaps smoke too much.  There are some who cannot maintain a house to save their lives, yet others who would put Martha Stewart to shame.  There are others with persistent financial struggles, and others who own several properties and a portfolio that looks a heck of a lot better than mine.  (Maybe I should listen to her advice!)

My point?  Just like any other societal group, providers run the gamut of socio-economic levels.  I have found they defy our efforts to stereotype, and we will invariably be surprised at who is really in this business.  Just like the difference between the guy asking for change at the freeway ramp and the executive on his or her way to the boardroom, so it is with the streetwalker and the woman next door to you who is discreetly augmenting her income. 

Pablo 

Pablo —

There is something strange about Buffy and the other hookers on the blog who are so adamant about the positivity of their lifestyle.  I don't hear any empathy about their sex addict clients whom they take extreme advantage of, the emotional pain of the sex addict client when reality hits and the dopamine wears off, the clients' suicide attempts, divorce, and breakups of long time realtionships, and the economic disaster of the client and his family-- these are all things that prostitutes' "victimless" actions contribute to. 

Studies show that prostitutes are usually emotionally damaged in childhood, and this shows in this blog by the lack of insight into love and compassion for other people shown by Buffy and the others.  Emotional intelligence.  Prostitution is about using each other:  the prostitute gets money, and the john gets sex.  There is nothing loving or emotionally fulfilling about prositution.

Anonymous —

Nothing strange about me discussing my own personal experience. It is what it is. I live my life, you don't

"I don't hear any empathy about their sex addict clients whom they take extreme advantage of, the emotional pain of the sex addict client when reality hits and the dopamine wears off, the clients' suicide attempts, divorce, and breakups of long time realtionships, and the economic disaster of the client and his family"

Hmmm....sounds like you might be projecting a bit? Perhaps it's YOU who had such a hard time...being a client.

I would not continue to see someone who was destroying their life by seeing me. Believe it or not.

Studies, studies, studies....rarely are higher-end escorts included in any of these studies. Which is why I called in today. It sounded like the program was going to, once again, cover sex work by only including one segment of it: street walker, drug dealer, pimped out victim. 'Sex work' is like 'rock and roll'. It covers a lot of territory.

"There is nothing loving or emotionally fulfilling about prositution."

Wrong again. Many, many of my clients have beloved wives who are ill and can not or will not be intimate. I provide what's missing with no threat of the heartache an affair would bring. They would never consider leaving their wives but still need sexual contact. Many of my clients have lost their partners and simply need to connect with someone regularly. Someone who treats them with kindness and....love. Some of my clients are physically unattractive (according to our society's standards) and turn to professionals because they have no other option. Lots of my clients are single men who are very busy with their businesses and have no time to date.  Couples see me to add a little spice to their sex life. People see sex workers for a lot of different reasons. Not everyone destroys relationships or themselves when they do.

Stop making blanket statements about things you know only a little bit about, 'anonymous'.

buffy —

I agree with Buffy's response to this post. 

Once again too many people look at segments of society without consideration to the context of society as a whole.  Anonymous' comment is one like that. My own firsthand observations and experiences, as well as personally knowing several providers, belie his/her blanket statement.  Yes, there are individuals who struggle with various forms of addiction, but one doesn't have to be a provider to have that struggle. 

"Prostitution is about using each other" - How is this different than a scantilly-clad model in a car commercial?  Even many marriages can be construed to fulfill one party's physical desires in exchange for the comforts of a home.  We all use people in one way or another.  The difference is in the honesty of the exchange.

p

Pablo —

Buffy,

"Many, many of my clients have beloved wives who are ill and can not or will not be intimate."  This is what my husband used to tell prostitutes, and it was not true.  It is a lie to make the client seem normal.  It is the sex user that is ill.  Sex addicts are deeply ashamed of their compulsion, and project a different persona than who they are.  This is part of the escape -- "fantasy" -- of sex addiction.

After my husband's activities were discovered, I informed myself about sex addiction research and the prostitution community in the area.  Sex Addicts Anonymous and sex addiction therapists have helped him greatly.  Now that he is in recovery, his life has changed dramatically to a happier one.

I hope you will do some research into sex addiction.  It is real and devastating.

Anonymous —

For whatever reason, your Husband could not talk about the issues you and he had (Yes, it takes two) until this was brought to light. You want to Place blame and seem to be happy if it means you aren't part of it... Armchair interpretation and I am not attacking you. It just seems to be a side of this you are not considering.

The Ladies I know screen clients based on a lot of things. Including addictive behavior. However, they can't know all that is going on in thier lives.

We do not see Wine being outlawed because of Alcoholism as an example

Pat

Patsbeef —

My husband began his sex addiction in high school, 12 years before I met him.  I found out about this addiction 12 years after we met.  He lied constantly.  He learned this behavior in his childhood.  He was isolated, ignored by his parents, bullied, and very unpopular.  He created a persona where he wasn't a loser-- he thought he was smarter than everyone else.  He thought everyone else was a loser.  He may have been raped, but he doesn't remember his childhood. 

Addicts use people.  Toward the end before going into recovery, he didn't even know what he felt about anything, had no vocabulary for emotional experiences. He says that prostitutes and johns are deeply in denial about their addiction to sex.

 There are environmental and genetic factors that help to create a sex addict.  Most sex addicts were sexually abused as children.  I really had nothing to do with the creation of his sex addiction.  The Green Book, the Sex Addicts Anonymous basic text, has many stories of sex addicts and describes their behavior, as well as the way out of that hellish existence.

Prostitutes hardly screen clients, according to my husband.  He could get a date by email with no prior introduction to expensive prostitutes.  There is a lot of competition among prostitutes, who try to veil their desperation to get johns, judging by the emails I have read between my husband and prositutes.   Many people who use prostitutes are sex addicts, and many prostitutes are sex addicts, if not all.  About 8% of men are sex addicts. 

My husband says that nobody can make someone go into recovery, the person has to do it themselves.  One has to bottom out, unfortunately. Keeping someone from killing themselves is a harrowing experience, and this period lasted nine months.  Now we're OK.

Anonymous —

Very thoughtful and intriguing discussion here. I wanted to invite folks who are interested to attend an awesome sex worker art show this evening at PSU. It is called "Visions and Voices: Black and White Photographs by Diverse Women Working in the Sex Industry."

The exhibit features 33 black and white photographs highlighting the needs and aspirations of female sex workers in Portland. It is meant to spark dialogue and influence public policy. There will be free food and music. It begins at 7pm in the Food For Thought Cafe in the basement of the Smith Building.

Haters please stay at home :)

politicalvixen —

Wow, that sounds amazing. How long does it run?

buffy —

I just had to chime in....

As a 'sex worker', I want to mirror Buffy's sentiments.....and I know her to be an example of integrity, and is cherished by both her clients and sisters in the industry....

That said....re:  sex workers causing difficulties in marriages....

It has been the opposite, from my experience....men are wired differently from women....and I feel comfortable speaking for many of my married clients when I say that the service I provide alleves some of the tension for them...not only sexually.  Some very lovely gentleman have wives with physical/hormonal issues that preclude them from the sort of emotional and/or physical intimacy that a man craves.  I am of absolutely no threat to anyone's marriage.  If I had physical intimacy issues with my husband, I would rather he play safely than resent me because I didn't understand and have him become bitter because I did not understand his sexual wiring.

Yes....my heart BREAKS for those ladies who come into this industry by virtue of life circumstances, dealing with and addiction, or are forced to do so by a person at the pain of physical harm.  Or those who have been harmed or exploited.

Historically, men have sought this service for so long....but we find the historical record almost charming, writing off the fact that things have not changed between the genders in many respects.

I have ranted long enough.  That said, I am embracing this lifestyle as a choice, and I feel priviledged to have a support system, and am glad to be treated with respect by my clients.

The surreptitious nature of the business, however, can proclude those who are not sex workers by choice from seeking or accepting the resources available to do something different.

The continuum will always be there, unfortunately.

Helena

PS...Politicalvixen....your interest and advisement of the photography exhibit you mentioned are welcomed by me personally.

helena —

I was a previous adult lingerie modeling shop owner for 3 1/2 years. I wish I knew that this event was being held.  I would of liked to tell a separate side of the story.

I bought the business from an Oregonian Ad. I was raised in Portland and came back up from central Oregon and wanted to find a business that was profitable and could operated with little or no effort.  I bought an existing lingerie modeling shop for $20k.

I vistied the shop twice and new nothing about the industry except that I new it would cash flow.  I had paid for services in the military abroad and then in Reno on several occassions.  I met the owner and saw that money was somewhat being recorded and went for it. He never had the company registered as an ongoing Portland business entity. I formed a sub Chapter "S" Coroporation and filed with the city. I recorded every dollar and cent that went in and out of the business. I didn't want to be the Al Capone of Portland. 

A lingerie shop is where a customer can come into a shop, select a girl, and go to one of several rooms, approx. 8 x 10 on most cases, and sit on a couch (towel covered) and get naked and masterbate infront of the gal and bust a nut.  Most rooms are sparsley decorated and may even have a theme to it. My space was quite large and had three theme rooms and a dungeon space.

The client pays a house fee and then the customer is required to at least match the house fee for the gal.  My agreement with the ladies was to gaurantee the client a nude dance from across the room.  Here lies the problem. When I first had the place there were no cameras anywhere. My first concern is making sure that my money would be dropped. I installed a camera for the entrance area.  Also, the girls would feel more relaxed in case a customer misbehaved she could point to it.

Artinportland —

The tricky part as an owner.

I can't go in the private rooms and control what is going on. So, in my place there were peep holes. Other establishments have/had cameras.  Well I don't really want a job to look through a peep whole to see if a gal is jerking, sucking, or fucking someone.  I also don't want to be thrown in jail for somebody's actions because they had no money on the 5th of the month and rent was due so they therefore bent the rules and did that stuff.  There is the 1st Amendment rights that Oregon truly upholds.  So, does the owner put cameras in the room? If something came of it would the client sue me by abusing his 1st amendment rights? or invasion of privacy? If a girl new a camera was in a room, what do you think the chance were that she would place her body in front of it to hide what would or could be happening? 

I never made a girl try out for the job. Initially i had a subcontract agreement made up, but that has no merit when an undercover guy busts a gal and she is going to say that the owner forced her to do stuff. The city would want to close it down. Who are they going to believe. So, the risk exposure was an issue.  What should the owner charge.  I made about $40k a year by coming in and bullshitting with the gals. Bringing them lunch, dinner, and running bullshit errrands to assit them.  I would go there to open the shop and close the shop and collect money. The problem is that the risk didn't make up for the reward. With what can and does go on, the gal would charge $150 on a credit card and I would get $30 - $40 of that. I would average 8 paying customers a day. A majority of the customers were married.   

To me it was a full time baby sitter job. The toughest part is scheduling girls, normally only two together, that could get along and not get jealous of looks or actions that they would do illegal crap for a rate that the other gal wouldn't. Catfighting 101. My comment is that the walls would talk. I also would have to come in and sit and watch tv or whatever if only one gal showed up. I needed or wanted to make money, but I also wanted to ensure the safety of the one working. So, I shut one door and played the music and ran into the office when a customer entered the area. He would only get one choice of the ladies and she could work

Artinportland —

The gals job is not for the faint of heart. If a girl never worked in a dance place or as an escort I would not hire her. To much bullshit to be exposed to. I tried to give them a reason not to work there instead of just putting a body on the couch.

Some people might be thankfull for my actions. Years ago Mayor Vera Katz wanted to pass and ordinance for underage and asking for id's going to hotels for outcall services. The prior evening they had a camera crew in front of another lingerie shop and a lady did an article in the Oregonian. The following day they had a city hall meeting at 2 pm. Nobody was notified of this ordinance. I called the Oregonian and she wrote a biased article on lingerie shops and she never stepped inside of one! Unbelievable. I ended up going downtown and was the only one from the adult industry to be present at this meeting. The seargant lied saying that he gave notice to 70 people/places. Screw that. How come I am one of a dozen physical locations and none of us heard about it. So, I asked for a stay and got two weeks.  Money spent on a lawyer and the ordinance failed. Your welcome to the every future Portland outcall client to hotel or motel without showing id. The funny part is my dad saw me on tv and laughed his ass off. 

Only one shop was ever shut down during my ownership. I provided a nice clean and comfortable place to come. Safe enviroment and they could have as much flexibility in operating there business.  I just couldn't see myself making enough to justify my risk of being thrown in jail for somebody's elses action. I tried to find a girlfriend that could understand the business but that never made it nowwhere. I didn't sit there and ask the girls for benefits. But, I am not saying I didnt' have my fun times. 

Artinportland —

I have visited ladies that partake in the business since being out of it. I respect them and will continue to support them.  Dating sucks and women of this business often provide better conversations than a lot of my dates.  Then we can both leave and go about our daily activities.  Most of the ladies serve as counselors talking to many men. I guess it is like being a hair stylist or barber. The clients normally sit and talk about issues and the ladies provide a valuable listening outlet for a lot of fellas.

There is a wide spectrum of ladies that work in the bussiness. I went through about 40 or more during my time. Each one has an interesting story.

Now back to the ever so boring world outside of the adult entertainment industry!

Artinportland —

I was the GM of a strip club in Eugene.  Before that I was the bar manager of another strip club.  I had gone to strip clubs before but being unemployed for weeks/months at a time had me end up working in such clubs.  I joked, half-seriously, that being deployed to Iraq was less stressful than the job I left.  

I cannot generalize and say that all club owners and managers in the business are of poor character and I've never met any in Portland.  Yet all the dealings with others I had contact with were hard for me to bear.  Drug use, drug selling, exploitation, and more are common.  The things I've seen, just from the manager side of things, left a very bad impression on me.  I'm not talking about whatever your views on sex are, of puritan ethics, of exploitation of women, of sex as empowering or victimizing, of second or third wave feminist views.  I'm speaking of those that run the industry.  Deals cut with video producers in other cities to come film dancers, give the girls $200, and then make big profits off the videos.  Flying my girls out to mansions and then getting them high/drunk and offering them money for videos.  Aiding in self destruction behaviors that keep the power up top.  It was sickening.  But living in Eugene for 3 years and being unemployed for half of that time, I needed money.

I talked to yoga instructors, credit counselors, and others, to come to my club and give my girls a class.  They would be enthusiastic to do so until I told them it was a strip club.  Then they'd turn cold on me.  I'd go with different girls to Planned Parenthood because nobody else would and she wanted a friend.  I managed the club but everyone knew that my wish was that they'd eventually leave the club and start another job.

There were a few girls that danced for me that simply liked to be naked.  Why is it that going to Sauvie Island is okay but dancing naked to music AND getting money for it is bad?  These girls were great.  they had fun, they didn't do drugs, they didn't play games.  I had some that told me that by working three nights a week she could pay for her college and her child's private school.  I had one that had finished up her undergrad and had gotten accepted to law school. 

eddiecoyote —

This is another show that, no pun intended, sounded like a sexy topic and then the conversation became very stereotypical.  Having an (apparently) black woman who delt in drugs and the worst forms of prostitution was like something out of a movie.  Since the "as we are series" is technically information provided through anecdote, I think that more diverse voices (more than two sex workers) and some statistical information would have provided important context.  

I realize this may be another show entirely, but some opinion (both from the guests and possibly citing some polling results) about whether prostitution should be legal and perspective from those are able able to do this kind of work and lead happy and productive lives, would have been refreshing.

OregonSean —

Some people have horror stories pertaining to sex work. Some people have them pertaining to construction work. Whatever!

I have been an independent call girl for over two years. I'm educated, have never been abused, do not do drugs aside from social drinking, and am your run-of-the mill witty, attractive gal. Why do they vilify us? I have no diseases - and trust me, I get checked often. I do NOT ruin lives. I merely provide pleasure in many forms.

Consider even my married clients. If a man is inclined to cheat he will find a way to do so. Would you rather have him initiate an affair with a potentially bunny-boiling secretary, or visit a discreet paid companion who won't go trying to homewreck later on?

I have no plan to "retire" until my youth and looks fail me. My clients are kind and gentlemanly and I enjoy their company. I am financing my education through this, but also my nest egg which I will use to invest and have my money make itself later on. This is a lucrative career which requires minimal time/drudgery. Why WOULDN'T a young, attractive woman choose it? Oh, that's right. Religious morality.

ValerieLovejoy —
This comment has been removed by the TOL staff.
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