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A few months after our second son was born, I was shocked to discover that, despite birth control, I was pregnant again. Both of my previous pregnancies were high risk due to a uterine anomaly, and I'd had to spend several weeks in bed as well as time in and out of the hospital. In addition to this, we were financially struggling, barely able to survive on our combined wages (he worked at a bookstore, I at a daycare). Finally, our oldest son had just been diagnosed with Autism, and we were struggling to get him the services and help that he needed.

I could not handle another baby at that time. My husband agreed. I could barely give our two boys all of the love and attention they needed. And physically I wasn't up to it. So I called my OBGYN to request an abortion, and was shocked to discover they did not offer them. After calling around a bit, I was directed to Planned Parenthood.

Because I knew I was pregnant at only about three weeks gestation they were able to give me two pills. One to terminate the pregnancy, the other to stimulate cramping similar to a miscarriage.

It was not easy. I cannot pretend that life begins at birth. I have bonded with each of my children from the moment they were conceived. But I also believe in the soul, and that perhaps the soul of this little life would be released and would find a new mommy who could love it and give it the attention it deserved. It was difficult, but I did not ever regret my decision. It was right for me, and right for my family. It helped that it was made early---I could not have had an abortion later in my pregnancy.

Two years later I was pregnant again. This time, I felt ready. My husband did not. We fought bitterly. We were on food stamps at this point, surviving on his salary alone, as I'd quit my job to work with our autistic son and his brother, who was showing signs of autism as well. We could not financially support another child. But I felt that I could emotionally do this, and knew that I wanted that baby. I told my husband that I would never be able to forgive him if he forced me into having an abortion. He threatened to leave. But he loved his children too much (and me too) so he eventually got over it. He deeply regrets fighting over this.

Now we have three boys. We love them all very much. Our first two boys have autism. Our last one started preschool today. I have no regrets.

posted 4 years, 8 months ago
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