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I am a midwife, a mother, a birtmother and an adoptive mother. When I was 17 I became pregnant by my very first boyfirend who was not the best guy. It was the summer before my senior year. My best friend was also pregnant. We decided to get abortions, made appointments all ready to go. But, I could not get the money I needed. The day my friend had her abortion I told my parents who are Catholic. My option of having an abortion was no longer an option. In the end, I decided to give my baby up for adoption.
Forward 5 years and I am a Peace Corps volunteer in Kenya. One of my students died from a botched abortion. It is illegal there. I met a a couple who are doctors and run the local clinic. They told me 95% of the surgery they do are failed abortions.
Forward 18 years and I'm in school getting my degree in midwifery. Since we tend to study what we know, i wrote my thesis on teens decision making in adoption. I interivewed 5 women who had given their babies up for adoption. There were two themes that emerged. First was the grief. Huge grief that was never fully acknowledged because they either kept the adoption secret or because they had done such a noble thing that they should feel good about it. But the giref was not dissimilar to the grief experienced thru losing a child. The second theme was 'Living with the decision'. The experience of life after the decision to relinquish.
I have been reunited with my daughter, she is 27. I adopted a daughter from China and at age 40 with some help, i gave birth to my youngest daughter.
I initally chose abortion, had fairly easy access (1980 in Omaha) but no money. I chose adoption. But what is most imprtant to me, is that I had the choice. Would I do it again? I don't know.
Now I am a midwife and I see women go thru this decision making process often. It is never easy and never taken lightly. The woman and her partner/family/community need to be able to make the choice they need to make without judgement or interference. They are the ones that need to live with the decision. The grief of losing a child thru adoption is similar to the grief of losing a child thru early loss. And we all know that losing a child is the worst pain one can experience. Why would we force that on anyone?
I was faced with the decision and made my decision because I had a choice. That choice cannot be taken away from women. Everyone has to be able to make the best decision they can for where they are in their life.
If we want to end abortion we need to prevent them. More acccess to birth control and more education for women. The most effective birth control is education of women.

posted 3 years, 8 months ago
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