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My first wife called me and suggested that I check out your program and website. She lives in Portland. My name is Emily and I live in California. I am 61 years old and, although being born a male, have always known, since my earliest recollection, that I am meant to be female. My earliest memory is of myself sitting on my bed in my bedroom, drawing a picture which depicted a house (in thoroughly five year old style) with two doors, one on each side of the house. On the left side, little boys were entering the house, and on the right, they were coming out of the house magically transformed into little girls, with pony tails, pretty dresses, and maryjanes on their feet. I also remember clearly what I felt, at once a feeling of how wonderful it would be and at the same time a feeling of sorrow that it couldn't be. And then the event which pressed this into my memory--my Mom came into the room and asked me what the picture was about. I remember I lied and made some story up, but also felt great shame, knowing full well what it was about, but little boys did not think such awful thoughts.
But I did think such awful thoughts, and continued to think them. Although seeming to be like every other male, I went through the usuals of life: I married, had children, held a good job, served my church as a pastor, but finally, at age 55, could not take it any longer. After two marriages, both of which were not really satisfying to me (and because I sincerely cared very much about my wives, I couldn't really figure out why) I finally told my second wife the truth. I couldn't live as a man any longer. I didn't want to die with the name I carried for so long in life on my tombstone. It would have been a lie.
Since then I have divorced and lost all, financially, that I had worked so long for. But I have what really counts. My three children love me. My first wife is one of my best friends (she actually traveled to Scottsdale, Arizona, to be with me when I underwent sex reassigment surgery). My second wife and I are working on getting along. My mother supports me, as does my brother. And I am Emily, the person I was meant to be.
I underwent surgery in July of 2007 and now am fully accepted as a woman. It is truly liberating. Despite the fact that I have lost three jobs since my decision, and that I was turned down for health insurance three times before Kaiser took me, I am happier about who and what I am than anytime in my life. Being a thinking person, this has spawned a lot of introspection on my part, a lot of thinking about what gender really means. The fact is, there is not really much difference, physically, between the two. But a whole lot culturally. At times I feel like I have always been female; at others, I am shocked by the differences in my two lives. But I am really, really grateful that I live in an age which has made my lifelong dream come true.

posted 4 years, 7 months ago
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