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I'm a psychotherapist and as a member of Returning Veterans Project in Portland and around the state, I'm committed to providing free weekly therapy for veterans and active duty service members of the Iraq and Afghanistan campaigns. I've been working with Marines and National Guard members for over two years now, and see weekly how the war is not only affecting the vet, but especially the spouses and children. Vets have a lot of resources with the Veterans Administration and Vets Center, but kids and (mostly) wives aren't seen by those two well-funded organizations.

But the stories I've heard, and the research I've read really show how at-risk marriages are from trauma it's aftermath: substance abuse, avoidance of relationships, irritability, dissociation. All these trauma symptoms make being in a marriage or relationship, or being an effectve parent especially challenging. Being the son of a World War II vet, and being the victim of his beatings, anger and alcoholism, also proves to me how critical it is we also work with the kids to help them see that the aftermath of trauma can be understood.

Most kids either 1) become their parent's parent (overparentified) and hav confused boundaries 2) become like the parent and treat other kids like they're being treated (often aggresively) or 3) rebel and emotionally cut-off from their parent. Parents, teachers, professionals -- everyone who works with kids -- need to understand the signs of veterans' kids who could use support.

posted 4 years, 7 months ago
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