2012 conventions 2012 election 2013 session arts arts and culture author ballot measures basketball bomb books boy scouts budget bullying business charlie hales children clackamas climate change coal college courts crime culture culture club democrats drugs economy education environment family film fluoride food gay rights guns handguns health health care health insurance high school history housing immigration internet kitzhaber law legislature lgbt literary arts living marijuana marriage media medicine mental health military minor parties mohamed mohamud movies music native americans news newspaper obama olympics oregon our town parenting pers photography police politcs politics port portland portland business journal president prevention public safety religion republicans rnc romney rural salem sam adams sandy hook schools science shooting sports suicide supreme court taxes technology television terrorism theater third parties transportation union university of oregon washington wildfire women

My husband and I chose to not have children, even before we were married.  We talked long and hard about it, and continue to revisit the subject on occasion.  The decision has not been an easy one internally or socially. Besides being called selfish, lazy, and immature, we took grief from our families and friends for many years.  But the decision to not have children of our own has helped shape us into strong, responsible thirty-somethings.   

Some of the considerations that weighed into our decision included: our lifestyle, our own responsibility and maturity levels, the effect on our families in positive and negative ways, and the impact on population growth (we have considered adoption also). But our final resolution was to work hard at being the best aunt and uncle around.  We are able to babysit our sisters' and friends' children.  We have a play room in our home for them when they come to visit.  As they enter their teen years, we hope to be sounding boards when they are struggling with communication at home.  Inspired by other childless friends, we plan on taking them on traveling adventures.  And most recently, we've been able to dedicate a lot of our time to support friends whose four-year old died from Leukemia. 

The hardest lesson that I've learned about deciding not to have children, came when a friend pointed out my hypocrisy.   They were in the hospital after the birth of their second child, and while everyone was asking them if they were going to have a third, I suggested that they get a vasectomy.  The father seriously turned to me and said, "I respect your opinion not to have children, and I ask that you return the favor by supporting our decision to have as many as we want."  Lesson learned: We can state our opinions about others' lifestyle choices, but we must first and foremost respect those decisions.   You can expect that of me, and I will expect it of you.

Elisa Joy, Hillsboro

posted 3 years, 7 months ago
view in context