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 I was in a category that was hidden  from folks because the father of my child  was very smart and  understood human behaviour  and never hit.

He was LOVED in his work community –he worked with families. 

I  describe our 17 year  marriage like this – things were always ok as long as  things went his way . I had freedom to do  lead a normal life as long as   I didn’t do anything to threaten his hold on me.  i didn’t go to social functions  without him since “ couples that do things separately grow apart. “ Therefore, I missed a one and only  baby shower  because the woman giving it said “no men allowed” so I “couldn’t” go.   I used to believe his opinion that a women-only gathering  was sexist.

I started to get healthy after my daughter was born  and as I got healthier, his behavior escalated including death threats and stalking .  Thank god my employer supported me when he got  work at the same hospital I worked at and gave him a restraining order of sorts to follow whenever he was on-duty. As soon as they did that , he quit .

I want to share with others in a similar situation , that telling everyone you know or come in contact with what the situation is  can really help  keep you safe.  I had to explain to folks that he may show up at their doorstep sometime or at mine and appear very calm and rationale  and no one would guess how  dangerous he was  and that he was stalking me .  

  My advice I give to others

Along with  counseling , reading The  gift of fear by gavin de becker really helped me keep safe. I highly recommend it .

Avoiding   interaction /contact of any kind  saved me .

And never never trust the abuser will change

posted 3 years, 2 months ago
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