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About 10 years ago my husband attempted to commit suicide. We were not together at the time, but from what he tells me he went through a very dark time in his life and ultimately came out the other end unharmed--profoundly changed, but unharmed. His decision at that time was to check himself into the county mental hospital in order to prevent him from harming himself. It worked, but the stories that he tells of the hospital and the quality of care that he received while there are rather shocking. Nonetheless, they did prevent him from committing suicide.

What is so surprising to me is how very deeply afraid I am that he might attempt to commit suicide again and how utterly unprepared I feel (both emotionally and practically) were he to go down that path again. It's difficult to live with that thought, but I have found that I just have to take him at his word that he is over his depression. I admit that I have let this fear factor in to decisions that I have made about our relationship (for example, "if I don't do this, will he become depressed?" or "if I encourage him to do this and he fails, will he become depressed?"), but I try to keep a level head about it. Depression is like any other illness: while there are certain measures that may alleviate the symptoms of depression, like any illness (cancer, the flu, etc.) at a certain point there's just not all that much that we can do to avoid it.

I wonder if others who have a partner in this position have similar thoughts?

posted 4 years, 3 months ago
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