Mohammad Usrof came to the U.S. from his hometown in Gaza 12 years ago for school. He has since married and settled in the Pacific Northwest. Usrof shares what he hears from friends and family in Gaza and Egypt, and what it’s like living so far away from this conflict.
The following transcript was created by a computer and edited by a volunteer:
Dave Miller: From the Gert Boyle Studio at OPB, this is Think Out Loud. I’m Dave Miller. Mohammad Usrof grew up in the city of Khan Younis in Gaza. He came to the U.S. 12 years ago to study and he ended up staying. He got married and settled in the Pacific Northwest. We called him up yesterday to find out how a Palestinian Portlander is doing nearly six months into the war in Gaza. I started by asking him what he’s hearing from family or friends about daily life in Gaza right now.
Mohammad Usrof: Right now the situation, as I heard from my family, is more like an ongoing shock of almost over six months of constant war, constant bombardment, and constant fear, and constant fleeing from one place to the other. Most of the people that I know are now situated in Rafah, which is the city in the southern part of Gaza, directly on the border with Egypt. And they are situated, depending on when they got the tent when they evacuated to Rafah, between a makeshift tent or a tent or staying on the streets in Rafah, because of all of the bombardment and the assault that was happening all over Gaza.
I personally, am from Khan Younis, which is the city directly before Rafah to the north. And right now, Khan Younis is unrecognizable. That’s what I’ve been seeing. That’s what I’ve been hearing. And life and communication with my family, as of now, is almost not available because of too many factors, including most of them are in uninhabitable areas. Second, there’s no electricity. Third, the only way for them to reach an internet connection or power is to reach a central tent or like UNRWA or the Red Cross and try to use their internet and their power in order to charge their devices and have communication.
So communication is very limited. Food is very limited. Water is very limited. And by limited, I’m saying that, just think about this – there is one bathroom for each 500 people in Rafah right now. This is the situation that’s happening. There is one shower for each 1,000 people in Rafah right now. So accessing very simple commodities like food, water, and hygiene products is non-existent.
The last conversation I had with my cousin yesterday, he was telling me that there is garbage everywhere. Any attempt to clean the garbage is dangerous. That means if there’s any activities to try to clean that garbage, you could be a target to the airstrikes by the Israeli forces. So you can imagine the amount of distress that is happening over people in Rafah right now by just trying to comprehend what a daily life could be, after an ongoing bombardment and assault and fleeing and war for the last six months without having access to a livable space or shelter.
Miller: Mohammad, how many members of your extended family have been killed in the last six months?
Usrof: I can’t actually give you a clear number. But 100% I’m sure of, we have about 31 people of our family that have been killed, including my cousin and her entire family, her husband and his family. And all of his relatives have been killed in December in an assault on their building. All of their building have collapsed on them. They all have died. My family is not able to retrieve their bodies for burial because it’s so dangerous.
A few weeks ago, 21 members of my family have been killed in their evacuation shelter in Deir al-Balah, which is in the central district of Gaza in a similar attack on their building, with everybody in it, with no warning. Just like that. 21 people have been killed. Earlier in December, my dad’s cousins [were] killed in a similar incident. Their residence had been hit and all of their family have been killed, seven members.
And because of the devastation that’s happening, in terms of food, shelter, and medicine, two of my family members who are elders have died just because of the lack of medicine and the lack of proper treatment for their conditions because they have diabetes and high blood pressure. One of them is like my grandmother, who’s my dad’s aunt. She died because she is not able to have insulin. And his cousin, my dad’s cousin, died because he did not have enough access to his high blood pressure medication. And there is no reason for them to die. But all of what’s happening right now from blockades on every single aspect of life, beating the Palestinian people in Gaza.
So yeah, it’s very hard and it’s very devastating to think about how much we lost. Because of the lack of the communication and the lack of the communication among my family members and the people I know in Gaza, it’s sometimes easier to reach me here in the United States than reaching somebody else in another part of the city of Rafah.
Miller: So for some of those airstrikes, say, back in December, they would figure out a way to get word to you. But it’s possible that some members of your collective family in Rafah or in Gaza wouldn’t have even known some of the details that they were able to share with you?
Usrof: Definitely. I’m the one who told my dad when my cousin got killed. My dad, at that time, was in the central district in Bureij. So I got the news from Facebook and I was able to communicate with one of my siblings. And he told me that he’s not able to reach my dad. So I called my dad and that’s how I delivered the news to him.
Miller: You were talking a little bit earlier about elders in your family. But I understand, to the opposite end of the age scale, that your sister who was able to flee to Egypt with your help, that she has a young baby. And one of your cousins, who is still in Gaza, just gave birth. What have you heard about what the last six months of war have been like for kids?
Usrof: Yeah, for kids it is like a story. My cousin, as you mentioned, gave birth on October 30th to a little girl. She named her Narmin. This girl, all of her life is war. When my sister or my nephew or niece have left Gaza, she has already spent half of her life inside the war. And the children in this situation are already experiencing something we call, in the psychology world, an ongoing post traumatic stress disorder and all of the ramification that comes with it from screaming, bedwetting, or children just being silent. Doctors Without Borders has released an issue saying that a considerable number of children in Gaza under five have told them that they want to die.
The situation is dire for children because of sanitary [conditions], they’re always sick. A relative of ours has given birth in a tent and because of the cold temperature, after a week they have not even gotten the chance to register the kid, they have lost their life. They have died. Because of all of the conditions that are happening, including inadequate temperature control because they’re living in tents, inadequate medication, women giving birth without aesthesia. Trying to have simple medication like a cough medicine is like you’re trying to hunt the holy grail in Gaza because [there’s] so much devastation that’s happening.
And imagine, they have to conjure a new medical term in Gaza for the children. It’s called “Wounded Child No Survivor in Family” because of the amount of incidents that an entire family would be killed and one child is the only assault survivor of that family. Not to mention all of the mental ramifications that this will cause down the hill, because war does not end when the airstrike stops, and when the invasion stops, and when the raid stops. It starts when all of that stops because we have to face, our children have to face all of the mental baggage that comes after all of that.
This has to be processed. And processing that is a very, very big task that we’re asking our children to process when we consider ourselves as international communities with children rights and human rights and all of that. And at the same time, we let them go through such an experience.
Miller: When is the last time that you went back to Gaza and what are some of your memories from that visit?
Usrof: I went to Gaza in October, November 2021 which was my first time ever since I left in 2012. And I saw a different Gaza than I knew. I witnessed and I saw the streets that are already have like huge buildings not existent because of bombardment and destruction. But at the same time, I saw the tired faces of the people there, but also I saw how eager to live life is, present in the eyes and the hopes of the people of Gaza. I saw people opening bakeries and having businesses, and having small projects for the young graduates. Witnessing all of that and seeing the sea and seeing how people interact with nature and going to the olive groves and the grape groves and the guava groves. That was a lively city despite all of the restrictions and all of the blockades that Gaza has been going through over the last almost 20 years, since 2005.
So I saw both ways. I saw the suffering and I saw the forward look on life. And I saw the smiling and I saw the crying. I saw beautiful areas. Now, every time I see a photo in Gaza, I remember what I saw in 2021. Every time I see a photo, I think my visit in 2021 was a blessing and a curse because the community gardens have been destroyed. The community spaces for the community parks have been destroyed. Historical landmarks have been destroyed. Famous libraries that I used to go [to] when I was in college in Gaza have been destroyed. Streets, hospitals, major landmarks. The last photo of my neighborhood, I could not recognize it.
Miller: What has it been like for you personally, to be 7,000 miles away from this war over the last six months?
Usrof: I’m trying to find good words, but it’s really gut wrenching. I’ve experienced the war in 2012 and 2014 and after. But I have not experienced anything like this. And watching it from here and seeing my friend’s families just getting killed by the Israeli forces in bulk. I can’t tell you enough how devastating that has been on my mental health. But at the same time, I’m outside. I cannot experience the same thing that my family in Gaza has been feeling, and my friends, and everybody else. So I definitely have survival guilt syndrome or whatever.
But at the same time, I feel like here in the United States, it’s been extremely more frustrating to live here and to witness this happening from here, knowing that part of what’s funding this war on my people is paid by some of my tax dollar money. So it’s not a good position to be in. But at the same time, I’m super lucky to be among a supportive community. I’m proud to be part of this community who’s calling for a ceasefire, who’s advocating from Multnomah County to issue a ceasefire or the Multnomah County Board to issue a ceasefire resolution.
Miller: Does anything give you hope right now for a lasting peace?
Usrof: I mean, define lasting peace. And hope…here’s the thing. Being a Palestinian always equates with being hopeful. There’s nothing that can happen that will prevent us from practicing hope. What I see here is like when I’m seeing a young child who’s a Palestinian in the streets of Portland wearing the Palestinian traditional thobe and chanting, “Free Palestine.” That’s all the affirmation that I need that Palestine will be free someday.
And the Palestinian people will find peace and justice. And we will go, at some point, to our homeland and have like a peaceful life. Because what’s happening right now is not a path to peace and will never be a path to peace. So that’s the only thing that keeps me going really. Because other than that, what we are facing right now is a cataclysmic event that is threatening our collective existence as Palestinians in our homeland.
Miller: Mohammad Usrof, thanks very much.
Usrof: Thank you so much for having me.
Miller: Mohammad Usrof grew up in Gaza. He lives in Portland now. We’ll hear from an Israeli Portlander tomorrow.
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